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Flying Solo

One thing that I’ve been doing a little bit of the past several weeks is something new for me. In the past, when dining out alone, I always got food to go and brought it back home. Always. Never even considered doing otherwise. However, you always see people in movies dining out alone. Of course, they always meet the chick while doing so, but that’s not what interested me.

I recently subscribed to ESPN the magazine (which is terrific, by the way). It comes biweekly. So, every time I get a new issue, I’ll take it with me and hit a sports pub somewhere. I’ll order dinner, have a beer or two, and pretty much read it cover to cover. Watch a little sports on TV. Just get out of the house.

Granted, I’m not meeting anyone, or even talking to anyone for that matter, but I’m enjoying it a little bit. So far I’ve gone to Busters in Eagle a couple times, The Ram in Eagle, The Ha’ Penny, and Cheerleaders.

Last night I was at the Ram having dinner. Watching a baseball game, and reading the magazine. I noticed that most defintely I wasn’t the only guy doing the same. There were 3 or 4 other guys who were either reading the paper or whatever, and having dinner and beers. Nice to have a little psuedo-company. Plus, the Ram is always kinda fun since they have the NTN trivia which I enjoy. I really wish I could find someplace that did old fashioned pub trivia one night a week somewhere… a place where I could perhaps get on a regular team. I think that would be fun.

It’s all part of the process of being comfortable doing alone that which I like doing while coupled. I just gotta find new ways to do things.

On a side note, I had the club sandwich. I really like those things, however there is the one downside. Good lord to they shred the inside of your mouth. That damn toast combined with the thickness of the sandwich, its kinda like rubbing sandpaper inside of your teeth. Unfortunately, I can’t really come up with a solution… its gotta be toasted. Plain bread is a dud. I guess you could go not as thick, but there’s a lot of stuff on a good club. Oh well, sometimes personal sacrafice is necessary for things you love, right?

I’m excited for NFL this season, because George has said that we need to find a regular place somewhere to go every Sunday to watch some games. Preferably somewhere with HD, where you can hear the game, and decent food. It will be fun to hang out with my boy, watch some football, and just catch up every week.

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My Ad

I thought I would post my personal ad from match.com on here… who knows, some beautiful, single, independently wealthy woman lookin for a red-headed introvert might read this…

For those not familiar with match ads, there are a few sections. First is the big ‘about me’ section, then there are a few prompted sections (“favorite things”, “my education”, etc.)
—————————————————————-

About me and what I’m looking for

Ok ok, something different… something original. Damn. Hmmmm.. Well, nothing is coming to me. I’ll just wing it.

Divorced, successful, friendly, optimistic, loyal, sensitive, happy-go-lucky guy with a full head of hair, looking for a partner, a best friend, that “go to” person in my life. Companionship is very important.

About me. I enjoy all kinds of things. Everything from dressed up dinners out w/ wine to dressed down dinners in with a new recipe. Heading out for a vodka-tonic or cold beer and some good conversation can be very relaxing. Sometimes you wanna go where everyone knows your name, suck some suds, and argue with Cliff… wait…

I have the usual biological need to watch and care about sports. Its in my genes. I have season tickets to Boise State football and basketball, and have had Steelhead hockey season tickets. Fall weekends are the best. I also enjoy a nice round on the links. Not that I’m any good, but golf is still something I enjoy.

I’m not much of an outdoor guy. I grew up camping and fishing, somehow now it just seems like an awful lot of work you have to put in before you can relax. Thats not to say I wouldn’t enjoy it again. I’ll give ‘er a go. I do enjoy going for long walks (again, especially in Autumn… can you tell my favorite season?) and roadtrips just about anywhere are always fun.

I own a tuxedo and know how to use it.

I am a total animal lover (no… not THAT way), and can’t help but be a goof when around them. I am also a ‘computer guy’. Both as my profession as well as my hobby. Ever since dad took a 6 year old me to my first arcade, I’ve been hooked. Blame him. You may be thinking “geek”. Au contraire mon frere. Couldn’t be farther from the truth. Give me a shot.

Everyone says they want to meet “the nice guy”… well, here’s your chance. I’m the epitome of “nice guy”.

I have few requirements as to what I’m looking for. Some are non-negotiable. Most importantly, you must be intelligent. Nothing makes me more crazy than stupid people. You don’t have to be a rocket surgeon or anything but at least know who you are, what you’re doing, and what is going on around you.

I would like someone who is laid back, easy going, low maintenance. Someone who doesn’t need to be together every second. Someone comfortable in their own skin. Someone who can equally veg out in sweats on the couch, or get dolled up for a night on the town, or anywhere in between.

I’d like someone with a sense of style… who can help me stay current on my stuff, as well as knowing how to keep herself fresh. If you’re sporting a circa 1983 ‘Flashdance’ perm, we’re probably not going to work out. (although, the leg warmers are negotiable).

You should not be afraid to laugh. Be yourself, have a good time. Everyone always thinks that they have a good sense of humor, but statistically, that is simply not possible. Really, I just want your sense of humor to jive with mine. Difficult to define, but easy to spot. Nothing wrong with goofy once in a while.

Friends and family should be important to you. Not only yours, but mine as well. I think every effort should be made by both sides of a relationship to incorporate the other person’s “people” as much as possible. However, you must also realize that sometimes you can’t be everywhere at once. Figuring out that balance is important.

Hmmm.. that sounds like a lot of requirements… I’d say just about everything is flexible. Everyone is far more interesting and complex than can ever conveyed by a simple personal ad. I don’t pretend this ad is the sum total of me. I’m sure your ad is only a small portion of who you are. Let’s find out if we click.

Two is always more fun than one… which is why we’re all here.

for fun:

I love trying new and old restaruants . Getting dressed up for no reason. Staying home & trying a new recipe (I’m a reforming former picky eater). Getting drinks with friends. Love movies. Cultural events – (theatre, music, events)

my job:

Currently doing web development for a major corp, as well as freelance web design on the side. Terrifically flexible schedule. Spend a lot of time on the computer. I enjoy having a somewhat creative job. I also have some entrepreneurial ideas as well

my ethnicity:

Ye olde German Irish. aka: SPF 75 and a goofy lookin hat.

my religion

Technically catholic, but not exactly a regular participant, much to my parents chagrin. Pretty much Christmas and Easter are the extent of it

my education

Boise State alum… Got me a BBA in CIS… uh… WXYZ…
(thats a bachelor of business administration in computer information systems… aka. “geek”)

favorite hot spots:

Downtown… hyde park… anywhere with a cool shaded patio. Live music at a volume where you can still converse. Relaxed atmospheres. Love to travel. Vegas regularly but will go anywhere. NY & DC are on my list. Europe someday.

favorite things:

I need to have pizza once a week, its just a rule. A double-feature at Edwards is a terrific way to spend an afternoon especially when its really hot out. I love Costco and enjoy just browsing stores. Big sports fan & everything that entails.
—————————————————————-

There it is. If you’ve read my blog, you know I like to write a little bit. Well, they have these character limits for each section and I had to edit my thing down by about half to get it to fit. Took me forever to get it small enough to fit. I guess people don’t really want to spend 40 minutes reading a single personal ad, huh? Who knew?

Since the ex took a veiled shot at me in her ad, I kinda took one back. Can you guess which section that was?

Dating in 2006… here we go again… *sigh*
I just wish someone would bring the ‘strong, silent type’ back into vogue. Gary Cooper, where are you when we silent types need ya? Where is the next Clint Eastwood or James Coburn. Now, everyone loves the loud, outgoing, funny, mile a minute extroverts (Vince Vaughn, anyone?), even me. I wish I were one. But, I’m not and never will be.

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Weekend

Here’s my question. When you spend an entire weekend doing absolutely nothing, how do you know when you’re finished? I guess technically, its when your alarm goes off Monday morning, eh?

Apart from Friday evening, I did nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero this weekend. I guess I should be happy that I at least did something on Friday (dinner & movie). Here are the relevant events of the past 2 days. Woke up Saturday morning… watched NFL Preseason game Sunday night. That’s it. That’s the list. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t do any work. I didn’t see anyone.

Of course, I’m not necessarily complaining. I mean, I enjoy alone time. It gets my head right. But, thats not to say I wouldn’t have liked a distraction or two.

Oh, Chris, here is your requested box score: 21-38, 247 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT. (solid effort, decent performance. No scores, but no turnovers either).

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Russia?

Ok, while we’re on this dating and match.com thing I’ve got one thing to say. Aparently, I am HUGE in Russia. I mean, I am in some serious demand over there. Who knew?

So, I guess if I ever get desperate enough, I can always find some hot, blonde Russian woman who thinks I’m the cats pajamas. Perhaps a mail-order bride is in my future?

I get many responses like the following:

“Hi. I am very much interested in you. If you will have a free time, please answer my letter. Your profile liked me. I would like to know you better. “

Or

“Hi I was interested by your structure we could speak with you write to me on mine e-mail the address and I shall write to you 100 % ******@yahoo.com or leave by an owl e-mail the address and we with you shall be closer gets acquainted.”

I really wish I had made those up…

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Game On!

In the immortal words of George Costanza, “I’m back, Baby!”

That’s right. I’m taking this opportunity to officially declare myself re-eligible for the draft. No more nursing the bruised emotions on the sideline. No more standing around watching the game. Strap on a helmet, get in there and hurt somebody for christ’s sake. A former first round pick who was selected by a team where he was playing out of position, he was given his outright release and has now cleared waivers. Now, being a free agent, I’m looking to ply my trade with a new team. My agent tells me that I still have a lot of game to offer the right team.

Sorry… For those of you not down with football analogies, I am ready to begin getting on with my life. Yes, specifically speaking, that means dating again. Fall is coming and it is the best time of year… hands down. So, why spend it alone?

Granted, I’m not looking to get married tomorrow. But there is nothing that says I can’t go meet some people and see what happens. So, I guess if anyone out there knows any terrific single women, let me know. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I guess it makes sense to start looking anyway.

I’ve had the ad on match.com for a couple weeks now, and have gotten a couple responses. As a matter of fact, I have spoken to one on the phone and we are actually going to meet for a drink Wednesday evening.

Of course, this brings up an interesting situation. How exactly do I handle all this with the blog? I mean, I would expect any woman worth her salt would be smart enough to google me. When she does, this blog is the first result. Not that I really have anything to hide. The past is the past. I can’t change it. I can’t hide it. However, it does make me wonder how to handle blogging about any future activities. Perhaps I’ll have to be a little more guarded in what I write about. I mean, if she could get a complete post-mortem of every date here, that could be a bit awkward.

Wow…Talk about dating in the 21st century… Didn’t think I’d be here, but what can ya do? Like was said in Risky Business, “sometimes you just gotta say, what the fuck.”

I’ll be interested to see what happens. I’m sure you will too.

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One More

You have to read this column as well. More Sports Guy. This one is the anatomy of a bludgening in Vegas. John, I know you can relate to this one. Personally, I have never been destroyed in Vegas. I guess it is due to my view towards gambling. I don’t look at it as I can win x amount. I look at it like ‘I’m prepared to lose x much’. Of course, that probably dooms me right there, but at least I never get killed. There is too much to do to keep gambling like that.

For example, my bad losses are like this one. Last trip. It’s probably 11:00pm and we’re in the NYNY. I sit down at a $10 pai gow poker table. I’m the only one at the table. Just me and the dealer. For those who have never played pai gow, its very simple. You get 7 cards. You have to make a 5-card poker hand and a 2-card poker hand. The only rule is your 5 card hand has to beat your 2 card hand. Anyway, to win, both of your hands have to beat the dealers 2 hands. To lose, both of them have to lose. If you split (win 1 lose 1) then you push and you get your money back. Needless to say, very often you’re pushing and drinking for free. Anyway, I sat down at the table and got $100 in chips. I proceded to LOSE 6 hands in a row. Right off the bat. I then push one, then lose 2 more. Win one, then lose one again. For those of you scoring at home, I turned a hundred dollar bill into $8 (less drink tip) in about 13 minutes. Absolutely brutal. But, its not like losing $800 or something.

Funny, a $92 vodka tonic didn’t taste as good as I thought it should…

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click..click..click..click….. Weeeeee!

And so the never ending roller coaster that is my life keeps on rolling along. However, I have some good news to report for a change. I actually had a really good day yesterday. Start to finish. Seems stupid that I’d get so wound up about one good day, but these days I’ll take what I can get.

Starting off, I actually had a good breakfast. 2 pieces of banana bread (no nuts) which I haven’t had in years. Lots of butter. Terrific. Then, I actually had some work to do in the AM… requests were coming in and keeping me busy, which is always good.

For lunch, I was meeting my friend Adam. He wanted to give me a few more pictures to put on his website (AJsAngels.org). So, we met at Yen Ching downtown for some Chinese. Not only is it good to see a friend you don’t see often and just shoot the shit, but he cut me a check as well. See, he has really wanted to pay me for the development of their website. I told him repeatedly that I would do it as a donation for free. He pretty much insisted that he pay me something, so I finally buckled. I would have done it for a 12-pack of beer and a sandwich, but cash is nice too.

Last week I had emailed him to see if a friend of ours had anyone to setup a website for his new business. I figured he would probably use the same people he used for his old business, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. Well, Adam told me that he showed Barry the AJsAngels website and Barry liked what he saw. He is interested in having me do his new website. Which is very exciting.

When I get back to work, the day is just going well. Obviously. Good food. Friends. Cash. Tough to argue with that. About an hour after I get back from lunch, my boss comes by my desk and hands me an eAward. eAwards are HP’s way of recognizing jobs well done. Apparently one of my customers has been very impressed by my performance and thus the eAward. Granted, its only $50, but hell, that’s better than a stick in the eye. Its always nice to be recognized.

I keep working, just sort of grinning to myself. Finally, a little good fortune. But the day wasn’t over. I get an email from a ex-teammate of mine who had someone ask her if she could do some web development on the side. She was way too busy, but forwarded the person to me saying that I do that kind of thing all the time. They asked me if I could do a realtor website (and emailed a link to an example they liked). Looking at the site, I could probably do that quite easily. So, I may have another website lined up to do.

After work, I was heading to Mom & Dad’s for dinner. Everyone knows you can never go wrong with some home cooking. Folks and my little sis were there and had a great dinner (far better than I would have since in my house right now I have some crackers, microwave popcorn, beer, ketchup, and Pepsi. That’s it. That’s the list.)

After I got home, I talked on the horn with George, and discussed future business plans. That sort of thing has been getting me excited lately. Despite the fact that I have no clue how to run a business, I can almost guarantee at some point, I will.

So, to recap, 3 good meals, talking to a couple friends, recognized at work, cash money in my pocket, possibility of more side work on the horizon… Quite a day. If I were less of a cynic right now, I might think things have turned a corner. Perhaps its all the recent experiences that have seemed to reinforce that sour outlook. Ya think?

All in all, it was really nice to have a whole day with multiple good things happening. It has been a while since I could say that. Of course, blogging about it will probably piss of the good fortune gods who will resume smiting me with gleeful vigor for breach of their confidentiality.

I hope its not starting already. When I got to work this morning, I realized that I forgot my watch. I don’t know if there is anything to put a repeated crimp in your day worse than not having your watch. Every 20-40 minutes I look down at my wrist and silently curse to myself. So, if you have the time, send a few positive thoughts my way. Keep this thing rolling and help me try to ward off the (undoubtedly) returning darkness…

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Vegas Baby

Las Vegas is just about my favorite place on earth. I am in double-digits in visits. Funny thing, I don’t even gamble that much. I just love the vibe.

The Sports Guy from ESPN.com has written one of the greatest columns regarding the average joe’s adventures in Las Vegas. I highly suggest you read it. It pretty much sums up what I would write about.

To anyone who has been to Vegas, they can relate to his piece. We all have our favorite little stories from past trips. John playing his “system” and losing his entire bankroll in the first 2 hours of the trip. Hillman drinking so much, he spends the entire next day in bed. Our first proposition from a horrible looking prostitute. Good times.

The only down side for me now is that G and I went to Vegas 3 times in the 4 years we were together. Not to mention, that those were my 3 most recent trips (including just this past February), so the vast majority of my Vegas memories now involve her. Probably doesn’t help that every trip had a significance to it as well. First time was a surprise after I proposed. Second on our honeymoon. Third, well that was Valentines Day this year and what would become our final trip.

So, I both want and don’t want to go to Vegas again soon. It would be absolutely terrific to get down there with some of the boys again. Maybe have a little more stake money in my pocket than the last time we were down there. Catch up, and rip on each other. However, at the same time, will going down there make me feel like when I go to downtown here? Full of memories? Stomach doing hula-hoops around my asshole? The question remains. I suppose there is only one way to find out.

I guess the key would be to stay somewhere new. Go to new places (there are plenty to go around). Skip things that we might have done together. Well, that… and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. To quote Homer Simpson, “To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” (Or this one, “Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that… building… thinggy… where our beds and tv… is.“)

Anyway, in the imortal words of Double-Down Trent, “Vegas Baby”.

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Just when I thought I was out…

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”
– Michael Corleone, Godfather III

Not that I thought I was in the clear, mind you, but this goddamn see-saw is making me crazy. Maybe I’ll have a good couple days. Maybe I feel invigorated and ready to move on. Then out of nowhere, everything slaps me upside the head again. I really don’t have anything new to add to this diatribe I’ve been spewing for damn near 4 months. If you want to know how I feel, just go back a few posts and you’ll know. The more things change, the more they stay the same… literally.

A couple things I would like to know. Why does my stomach still do summersaults when something reminds me of her? For example… I’m working on the AJsAngels.org website yesterday. I’m making photo galleries of their auction events. Not even thinking, I open the images from the 2005 event. Of course, I see her in a picture, just half of her face in profile, across the room and somehow it feels like its just all happened again. I’m beginning to wonder if that is EVER going to stop happening. I don’t know if that is the reason I was awake at 3:20 this morning or not. I have been sleeping pretty well lately. Perhaps this morning will be an anomaly.

Could be a couple other reasons recently though… I’ve recently had the first question about her from someone who hadn’t heard. I knew it was coming sooner or later. Part of me is surprised it took as long as it did, but then again, I don’t see many different people. I still hate actually having to say it. Having to admit I was thrown out on my ass. Of course, you try to play it off very nonchalant, but inside your brain starts talking to you. Once it gets going, I have a very hard time stopping it. Going to the gym sometimes helps, but as soon as I get back to the apartment it will come back. I’ve really made an effort to eliminate things that remind me of her. For example, I’ve bought a bunch of new shirts and thrown out stuff that reminds me. Not everything yet, but a little at a time. Funnily enough, that does help. This is how messed up my brain is. In the novel I’m reading a character goes to a restaurant and orders a glass of wine. The author mentions the winery, Silver Oak, which I instantly remember that we had at a family dinner at Crane Creek one evening. And as was said on The Simpsons, “And here come the pretzels!” (George, that’s for you). I sometimes wish I had a much worse memory. It truly infuriates me to know end that I let this stuff get to me.

Strangely enough, the movie Clerks 2 also reminded me, but I’m going to write my review of that one shortly.

Dreams are still happening too. Have yet to think of a way to combat that little problem. Frontal lobotomy, perhaps?

Why do we seem to sometimes enjoy making our selves miserable? I ask because I heard a song the other day and have listened to it 5 or 6 times since. The song “Home” by Michael Buble. The song is actually about a guy who is on the road for an extended period and just wants to get home. My interpretation, of course, is I just wish this was all over and I could go back ‘home’. Back to the way things were. Back to the house, the dogs, to everything down to the littlest of things. (you can hear the song from his homepage… see the controls in the upper right part of the page: http://www.michaelbuble.com/) Sometimes I just really hate my apartment. Hate starting over at 32. Hate the whole bloody process.

I’ve recently broken out a bunch of albums that I listened the hell out of in the early to mid 90’s. Stuff I haven’t heard in years. Its nice to be reminded of things that were PRE-divorce for a change. Even though I was going to school full time with no end in sight, working full time for peanuts washing cars and delivering pizzas, and had no girlfriend for years, at this point, those are the plesant memories. Never thought I’d be saying that…

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Advantages?

Enough belly-achin’ from me lately. I’ve thought up a few advantages to my current situation. Some of these might be stretches, but give me a break, huh?

Toilet paper lasts forever. Seriously, I think I use a roll a month. I purchased one pack (6 or 8 rolls) when I moved into my apartment 4 months ago, and I still have 2 rolls left. Used to burn through that stuff like crazy. Advantage?… perhaps.

I have lost so much weight, every single pair of pants and shorts I own can be pulled off without unbuttoning or unzipping. I guess I need to start updating the old wardrobe.

One thing I finally realized this morning. For the past couple months I have, on average, been getting to work much earlier than I ever did while married. I could never figure out why I can just pop out of bed and go to work all of a sudden. Before, I had to snooze a dozen times before finally rolling out of bed. I think the reason is that I now know exactly what I have to do on any given day. I don’t have to try to get as much sleep as I can because I’ve got a dozen things happening. Being the introverted type, one has to conserve energy to spend when out with people. (as an aside, I read the book The Introvert Advantage, and never before has a book made so much sense to me. Want to know why I am how I am, that book explains it. Amazing) Well, that was just about every day for me. Now, I’m spending so much time alone which recharges my batteries, that I have an abundance of energy. I’ve been working out almost every day. Apart from the depression, I physically feel good. I guess I didn’t know just how draining that life was for me. I cannot tell you just how much I would look forward to those rare days when G would be doing something and I was home alone. They were rare, but did I love them. Now, that’s my whole life. If anything, the pendulum might have swung a little to far the other way, but that can be fixed, hopefully.

I’m still getting used to having every day be mine, but I’m learning to enjoy it. If I want to watch a movie? Do it. Want to spend 4 straight hours playing xbox? Do it. Need to get some work done? Do it whenever you want. Want to spend a couple of bucks on something? I don’t have to try to explain and justify it to anyone. Granted, its not like she would shoot me down for stuff, but I would make myself feel guilty for some reason if I wanted to buy some software or something. I do kinda wish I had a single friend in the same boat who could do the same sorts of things. Weekend in Seattle. Quick trip to Vegas. I’m not saying my friends are all whipped or anything, but they do have wives they have to compromise with. I won’t begrudge anyone that. But still…

Speaking of which… marriage is expensive. Especially when she wasn’t really pulling in much cash working part time. I have a lot more cash in my pocket these days. I haven’t really changed how I live that much… so I guess we can sorta figure out who was the expensive one, eh?

I can’t say that I don’t wish I still owned a house. Apartment life sucks. But, at least I have a respite from all the related rigmarole. No lawn maintenance. No weeding flower beds. I really have never enjoyed gardening and the like. So, not having to do it now is nice. It wasn’t just the ‘doing it’ that sucked… it was the hanging over your head that it had to be done.

I will say that overall, life is much simpler these days. I’m sure there are other advantages, but I haven’t run across them yet. Plus, its still a debate on whether the pros are outweighing the cons for me yet.

On another note, I’ve been listening to ESPN Radio this morning. They are having the annual Jimmy V Cancer Foundation auction. Up for auction this hour is a package of a Notre Dame football game, complete with a lunch with Charlie Weiss (head coach), airfare, hotel, game tickets, pep rally, etc etc etc. I know this thing will probably go for $20,000 or something (its a national radio show) but if I had unlimited funds, I would buy that auction item. That sounds like so much fun, I can’t even describe it. The show host, Colin Cowherd, has said something that I totally believe in. “Life is about experiences”. It’s true. When you’re 90, you are not going to remember work. You’re going to remember the time you went to Hawaii. Going to a Michigan vs. Notre Dame football game. Seeing autumn in New England. Drinks in a pub in Ireland. The time your raft went over the waterfall. Experiences. There are a number of experiences I still want to have. Hopefully, I’ll find someone to have those with. Many experiences are far better with someone to share it with.