Not So Great Christmas Music

Last year, I took the time to write about my favorite Christmas songs and why I liked them. Please go back and enjoy that one again…

This year, since I can’t come up with any more songs that I would want to add to that list (except maybe Everyone’s Waiting For the Man With The Bag by Kay Starr) I thought I would list out the songs that either make me crazy, or I just plain don’t like. I might have a bit harder of time explaining just why I dislike these songs, so just go with me on these.

Besides, everyone except the most ardent Christmas freak knows that there are Christmas songs out there that annoy the hell out of them. I bet some of you have a hard time even narrowing down the list. Mine are as follows:

Same Auld Lang Syne – Dan Fogelberg
Now this is what I’m talking about. I loathe this song and have to turn the station when it comes on. First of all, it is NOT a Christmas song, despite what those programming the radio stations think. It mentions “Christmas Eve”in the second line. That’s it! By the way, don’t give me the whole “Jingle Bells never mentions Christmas either so it is technically not a Christmas song!” argument. I don’t wanna hear it. Second, it is 70’s/80’s Wuss-Rock of the first order. Third, the lyrics are so friggin’ stupid I can’t even describe. Youtube here.

Pretty Paper
This song is just so lame. It just aggravates me. Maybe its because I don’t especially enjoy wrapping presents, but frankly I would say I’m more annoyed by the actual song than anything. I think I especially dislike the version by Roy Orbison.

12 Days of Christmas – All versions except comedy ones
This song is just too damn long. Long and repetitive. Does anyone really enjoy this song? Really? Now, if we’re talking Bob & Doug Mackenzie or the Muppets, then you might have something. Otherwise, I don’t wanna hear it.

Do You Hear What I Hear
This suffers from the “12 Days of Christmas” syndrome of being long and repetitive. Also, its one of those songs that just can’t be modernized or jazzed up very well. Lame.

Faith of Our Fathers – Bing Crosby
I don’t think anyone else has ever bothered to re-record this song it is so bad. I feel terrible having a Bingo song on here, but I just can’t stand it.

Go Tell It On The Mountain
Waaaayy too “church revival-ish” type song for me. I just have visions of hundreds of hippy church-camp counselors with guitars massacring this song. Give me the shivers. Barely one step above Kum Ba Yah.

Little Drummer Boy
This is one of those songs I liked when I was a kid, just because it was one of those songs that kinda humanizes Jesus. When you’re little, you just don’t get a lot of reference points where he is anything more than the most important person in history… that kinda heavy stuff. But the song puts you in the story when he was the baby who smiles at the drummer boy. But, as I’ve grown my enjoyment of this song has dropped.

Mary, Did You Know?
Just don’t like it. Feels a lot more like the Wuss-Rock I mentioned before.

Any Christmas song by The Beach Boys
I’m sorry. I generally like the Beach Boys. But if I hear “Little Saint Nick” again, I’m gonna hurt someone.

All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)
Do I really need to justify this? Seriously? While we’re at it, lets throw The Chipmunk Song under the bus too. Ugh.

I’m starting to get a little annoyed sitting here thinking about all the bad Christmas songs out there. I haven’t even started delving into people who do versions of songs I like and manage to destroy them beyond repair… Jessica Simpson, I’m looking at you…

I would also like to add that in addition to The Beach Boys, there are some other artists who for whatever reason just don’t deliver the goods for me on Christmas songs. No matter how much I might like them normally. Including Neil Diamond, James Taylor and Johnny Cash. Perhaps Billy Idol’s Christmas effort might fall into this category.

That’s all I can come up with at the moment. Why don’t you take a second and tell me what songs make you want to yank your ears clean off your head so you don’t have to hear them again.

Merry Christmas everyone!

5 Replies to “Not So Great Christmas Music”

  1. Worst Christmas Songs Ever?
    Most definitely “Santa Baby” by Madonna and that “I want a hippopotamus for christmas” song. Oh and nothing puts me in the great Christmas mood like “So this is Christmas” by John Lennon. All three songs should be completely abolished as far as I’m concerned.

    Honerable mention goes to “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”.

  2. Little Drummer Boy makes me want to claw my own eyes out to stuff my ears with. Anything Beach Boys, the NSync Christmas album (bear w/me, I have a pre-teen), “new” Christmas songs that are so remotely obscure and barely related to Christmas at all, Do you hear what I hear & A few of my favorite things. When did a song sung by a nanny to some overprivilaged Austrian kids become a Christmas song? Sorry to ramble on so…keep up the good work Jason!

  3. One song in particular gets me a gringin’ this time of year. Feliz Navidad by Jose Fellatio or some such. I think its the dudes voice that turns me into a Grinch. Like the Far Side cartoon, my own personal hell is going to be me locked in a sound room with this dudes anthology playing non-stop.

    The cat/dog xmas tunes. GAAA…

    Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town by Bruce Springsteen (Live) … they play this every hour. Sirius, 107.9, any non country station you listen to… makes wanna jerk the wheel into a Goddamn bridge abutment!

    Do They Know Its Christmas by Band Aid OY! that stinks.

    OH OH… there is a song I have not ever heard before having Sirius… Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey by Lou Monte. This is the WORST. If you haven’t heard, then get on yer knees and give thanks. There are somethings you just can’t Un-Hear and this is one of them.

    I love Xmas and I love the songs that go with it. They get me all warm and fuzzy inside and make me wanna have lots of family and friends around a lighted tree with a nice cup of hot buttered rum and snow outside. And when one of those special songs is followed by a terrible tune, it destroys that feeling and gets me insane.

  4. How about Bette Midler’s HORRIBLE “From a Distance”? Not a Christmas song you say? Oh ho ho, add a little instrumental twist at the beginning and boom, Christmas song. Makes me want to rip my hair out.

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