Help, I’ve been robbed!

Ok, now I’m not an idiot… at least I don’t think I am. However, I’m forced to face the fact that I am, indeed, not as smart as I thought I was.

Allow me to explain.

Most of you know that I’m lazy. I recognize and fully admit that I’m perhaps not as ‘go-getter’ as I should be. In keeping with this knowledge, I pay people to clean my apartment.

Lord knows, were it up to me, it would be done once a year. Now, I’m pretty good about staying on top of the clutter. The dirty clothes pile only grows so large before it is washed and put away. The dishwasher gets run with regularity. Etcetera. However, I do not own a vacuum (I used to own a vacuum, but I’ll let you use your imagination as to where that thing might have ended up…). I have no desire to dust anything. I especially don’t want to clean a toilet.

Basically, my theory boils down to this point. Why torture yourself doing the things you hate when you can afford to pay other people to do?

Thusly, I pay people to clean my apartment for me, and have for the past few months. Now, when I signed up, I knew it was a little steep in price. This is where my laziness has trumped my intelligence. My apartment is small. One bedroom, one bath. 550 square feet of tiny. I finally got around to hiring a cleaning company, and doing the whole ‘on site consultation’ and all that bullshit. (I conquered my laziness that day) I thought to myself, that I’ll pay once or twice to have them clean, then I’ll get someone else. Well, that once or twice turned into months.

They charge me $100 every visit to clean (every other week). Now, I know this is a lot of money, and it always made me sorta pissed to pay it. Unfortunately, not pissed enough to do anything about it. Again, the laziness bludgeoning my intelligence into submission. I rationalized it by telling myself that I’m paying for a good deep clean every other week. I imagined the two girls who sign the little ‘thank you’ card after every clean were there a couple hours really working hard. I’m always at work when the arrive, so I had no clue.

This morning, I didn’t feel very well, and had it not been for the cleaning ladies coming, I probably would have stayed home from work. But, since they were coming, I came to work and left a note for them to call me when they were finished, so if I still felt bad I could head back home.

I’m always at work before 9. What time they usually arrive, I have no idea. Today, I left for work at 8:50. Again, with my mental image of the washer-woman on the floor scrubbing securely in my head, I expect to hear from them say 11ish. What time do they call me saying they’re finished? 9:56 am! I’m paying over a hundred bucks an hour!?! For the love of god, how freakin stupid am I!?

Please, I’m begging you all for a couple things… First… leave me comments and remind me just how big of a schmuck I am. Seriously. Something has to shock me into action. Second, please oh please recommend someone to me who will clean my place for less than I could pay a lawyer to clean my apartment. Preferably someone who won’t rob me blind or something.

Third… Merry Maids is a racket. I think the government should use the RICO statutes to bring them down.

I think it is perfectly clear that I have more money than sense… and I don’t have that much money. Someone shoot me right now.