The Office Scourge

Any of you who work in an office environment know what I mean. There is one thing that your co-workers can do that is far worse than anything else. It is so horrible, so distracting and awful, that it can damn near ruin your day.

I’m talking about burning the damn microwave popcorn.

A fellow employee who sits just over the cubical wall from me did this not 30 minutes ago. Is there anything worse than the smell of burnt popcorn? Usually, burning anything smells bad, but burnt hair is a scent not often experienced in a professional setting. There is a specific layer of hell for the popcorn burners.

Now, back when microwave popcorn was the new-fangaled invention, people burned it all the time. Figgerin’ out them fancy mic-er-waves was hard. But c’mon people. Its 2006. Microwave popcorn has been around for what… 15? 20 years? At least? Who doesn’t know how this stuff works by now? Even when the microwave you’re using doesn’t have the specific ‘popcorn’ button (which is really just a crutch for lazy people) it really isn’t that difficult. Insert bag. Cook on High. Remove when popping slows down. Voila.

Of course, there is one other instruction that I’m leaving out: Don’t leave the microwave unattended. Ever. What you think is being gone for 30 seconds, in microwave-popcorn time is 3 minutes. More than enough time to burn the hell out of it.

The only other rule, is more of my own creation: Once you have burned the popcorn, DO NOT take it to your desk and try to salvage any unburned kernels. That just allows the stink to linger and linger (or spread to the people that are fortunate enough to not sit close to the break area). You’re not going to enjoy the popcorn anyway. Just throw that crap away, eat the 75 cents it cost from the vending machine, and move on. You can either buy another bag and try again, or give up. Those are your only 2 options.

Burning popcorn is almost as bad as someone who brings last nights fish as leftovers for lunch, heats it to a vigorous steaming in the microwave, and funkifies the entire office.

Thus endeth the lesson.

5 Replies to “The Office Scourge”

  1. It is usually an airhead female who does it. Each and every one I had when I worked in an office was such an individual.

  2. Speaking of funkifying something. How about the m/f that BATHES in their cologne/perfume. It’s so bad that you know when they are at their desk and when they aren’t based on the smell? At lease burnt popcorn will eventually dissipate!

  3. What I hated most was running out of coffee filters at HP cuz all the chuckle heads had to make popcorn and put it in the large coffee filters. Mid-week shifts round about 2 am… hunting around different floors looking for more filters. It’s enough to put someone in a caffine withdrawl killing spree.

    Yet another advantage to being a stay @ home dad: I have cut back on my coffee consumption. Used to drink between 12 and 24 cups a night. Now, 2 a day. Maybe 3.

Comments are closed.