Is ‘hope’ a 4 letter word?

Well, I had just the very slightest glimmer of what possibly could be somewhere on its way to hope the other day. Lemme explain. George and I went to get some grub and see a flick. Had some beers with dinner and a good time. We then saw ‘Lucky Number Slevin’. I’m not here to review the movie (even though I kinda liked it, as unbelievable as it was). But something happened in the movie that sorta tweaked me. See, in the movie, Josh Hartnet’s character meets and starts a relationship with Lucy Liu. Watching them interact, and their mannerisms, I had a slight twinge (very slight, but noticeable) of that excitement that is there when you meet someone new and hit it off. Mind you, I have nowhere enough energy to actually go about this sort of thing now. Who knows when that might happen. But, just seeing them sorta got the broken wheel to move a little bit. Ok, not the greatest analogy but give me a break. You know what I’m talking about. However, thinking about starting all over again with the ‘getting to know you’ stage is way to daunting as of yet. Probably will be for a while.

On a different topic, I wish I had pictures of something to post on my blog. Everyone else does. I guess I could take a picture of my apartment or something… not that anyone would care to see it. I guess I’ll have to work on finding something to post in the future.

2 Replies to “Is ‘hope’ a 4 letter word?”

  1. Jas, so much of what I read here sounds like pages from my journal when I broke up with Matt. As lame as that entire relationship was, it was important to me and a tremendous part of my life. So when it was gone I remember thinking, “Oh I wanted to go there with him… I’ll never go to this place or that place again…” Plans that I had to experience things with him were not going to happen. It’s impossible to face that loss sometimes. And for the longest time I did avoid those places. But eventually I got to the point where I was facing the possibility of a new relationship and while those places were still kind of painful to visit with my new boyfriend I made myself go there and create new memories. I thought of it as a kind of reclaiming process because I absolutely didn’t want Matt to have the satisfaction (not that he knew) of ruining my favorite places.
    I also remember when I felt that hopeful twinge of excitment and the resulting overwhelming feeling of not being ready (and that went on for a long time.) I guess I just realized how break ups always flow through the same stages regardless of the people involved. It’s hard to believe that it has already been a month, but at the same time I know how that can feel like an eternity to the one hit the hardest.
    Anyway I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing really well and working through this WAY better than I did with Matt and that relationship wasn’t nearly as significant as yours with G. Keep your head up. It’s really nice to see so much of you these days.
    I love you.

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