Category: Recovery

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Game On!

In the immortal words of George Costanza, “I’m back, Baby!”

That’s right. I’m taking this opportunity to officially declare myself re-eligible for the draft. No more nursing the bruised emotions on the sideline. No more standing around watching the game. Strap on a helmet, get in there and hurt somebody for christ’s sake. A former first round pick who was selected by a team where he was playing out of position, he was given his outright release and has now cleared waivers. Now, being a free agent, I’m looking to ply my trade with a new team. My agent tells me that I still have a lot of game to offer the right team.

Sorry… For those of you not down with football analogies, I am ready to begin getting on with my life. Yes, specifically speaking, that means dating again. Fall is coming and it is the best time of year… hands down. So, why spend it alone?

Granted, I’m not looking to get married tomorrow. But there is nothing that says I can’t go meet some people and see what happens. So, I guess if anyone out there knows any terrific single women, let me know. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I guess it makes sense to start looking anyway.

I’ve had the ad on match.com for a couple weeks now, and have gotten a couple responses. As a matter of fact, I have spoken to one on the phone and we are actually going to meet for a drink Wednesday evening.

Of course, this brings up an interesting situation. How exactly do I handle all this with the blog? I mean, I would expect any woman worth her salt would be smart enough to google me. When she does, this blog is the first result. Not that I really have anything to hide. The past is the past. I can’t change it. I can’t hide it. However, it does make me wonder how to handle blogging about any future activities. Perhaps I’ll have to be a little more guarded in what I write about. I mean, if she could get a complete post-mortem of every date here, that could be a bit awkward.

Wow…Talk about dating in the 21st century… Didn’t think I’d be here, but what can ya do? Like was said in Risky Business, “sometimes you just gotta say, what the fuck.”

I’ll be interested to see what happens. I’m sure you will too.

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click..click..click..click….. Weeeeee!

And so the never ending roller coaster that is my life keeps on rolling along. However, I have some good news to report for a change. I actually had a really good day yesterday. Start to finish. Seems stupid that I’d get so wound up about one good day, but these days I’ll take what I can get.

Starting off, I actually had a good breakfast. 2 pieces of banana bread (no nuts) which I haven’t had in years. Lots of butter. Terrific. Then, I actually had some work to do in the AM… requests were coming in and keeping me busy, which is always good.

For lunch, I was meeting my friend Adam. He wanted to give me a few more pictures to put on his website (AJsAngels.org). So, we met at Yen Ching downtown for some Chinese. Not only is it good to see a friend you don’t see often and just shoot the shit, but he cut me a check as well. See, he has really wanted to pay me for the development of their website. I told him repeatedly that I would do it as a donation for free. He pretty much insisted that he pay me something, so I finally buckled. I would have done it for a 12-pack of beer and a sandwich, but cash is nice too.

Last week I had emailed him to see if a friend of ours had anyone to setup a website for his new business. I figured he would probably use the same people he used for his old business, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. Well, Adam told me that he showed Barry the AJsAngels website and Barry liked what he saw. He is interested in having me do his new website. Which is very exciting.

When I get back to work, the day is just going well. Obviously. Good food. Friends. Cash. Tough to argue with that. About an hour after I get back from lunch, my boss comes by my desk and hands me an eAward. eAwards are HP’s way of recognizing jobs well done. Apparently one of my customers has been very impressed by my performance and thus the eAward. Granted, its only $50, but hell, that’s better than a stick in the eye. Its always nice to be recognized.

I keep working, just sort of grinning to myself. Finally, a little good fortune. But the day wasn’t over. I get an email from a ex-teammate of mine who had someone ask her if she could do some web development on the side. She was way too busy, but forwarded the person to me saying that I do that kind of thing all the time. They asked me if I could do a realtor website (and emailed a link to an example they liked). Looking at the site, I could probably do that quite easily. So, I may have another website lined up to do.

After work, I was heading to Mom & Dad’s for dinner. Everyone knows you can never go wrong with some home cooking. Folks and my little sis were there and had a great dinner (far better than I would have since in my house right now I have some crackers, microwave popcorn, beer, ketchup, and Pepsi. That’s it. That’s the list.)

After I got home, I talked on the horn with George, and discussed future business plans. That sort of thing has been getting me excited lately. Despite the fact that I have no clue how to run a business, I can almost guarantee at some point, I will.

So, to recap, 3 good meals, talking to a couple friends, recognized at work, cash money in my pocket, possibility of more side work on the horizon… Quite a day. If I were less of a cynic right now, I might think things have turned a corner. Perhaps its all the recent experiences that have seemed to reinforce that sour outlook. Ya think?

All in all, it was really nice to have a whole day with multiple good things happening. It has been a while since I could say that. Of course, blogging about it will probably piss of the good fortune gods who will resume smiting me with gleeful vigor for breach of their confidentiality.

I hope its not starting already. When I got to work this morning, I realized that I forgot my watch. I don’t know if there is anything to put a repeated crimp in your day worse than not having your watch. Every 20-40 minutes I look down at my wrist and silently curse to myself. So, if you have the time, send a few positive thoughts my way. Keep this thing rolling and help me try to ward off the (undoubtedly) returning darkness…

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Advantages?

Enough belly-achin’ from me lately. I’ve thought up a few advantages to my current situation. Some of these might be stretches, but give me a break, huh?

Toilet paper lasts forever. Seriously, I think I use a roll a month. I purchased one pack (6 or 8 rolls) when I moved into my apartment 4 months ago, and I still have 2 rolls left. Used to burn through that stuff like crazy. Advantage?… perhaps.

I have lost so much weight, every single pair of pants and shorts I own can be pulled off without unbuttoning or unzipping. I guess I need to start updating the old wardrobe.

One thing I finally realized this morning. For the past couple months I have, on average, been getting to work much earlier than I ever did while married. I could never figure out why I can just pop out of bed and go to work all of a sudden. Before, I had to snooze a dozen times before finally rolling out of bed. I think the reason is that I now know exactly what I have to do on any given day. I don’t have to try to get as much sleep as I can because I’ve got a dozen things happening. Being the introverted type, one has to conserve energy to spend when out with people. (as an aside, I read the book The Introvert Advantage, and never before has a book made so much sense to me. Want to know why I am how I am, that book explains it. Amazing) Well, that was just about every day for me. Now, I’m spending so much time alone which recharges my batteries, that I have an abundance of energy. I’ve been working out almost every day. Apart from the depression, I physically feel good. I guess I didn’t know just how draining that life was for me. I cannot tell you just how much I would look forward to those rare days when G would be doing something and I was home alone. They were rare, but did I love them. Now, that’s my whole life. If anything, the pendulum might have swung a little to far the other way, but that can be fixed, hopefully.

I’m still getting used to having every day be mine, but I’m learning to enjoy it. If I want to watch a movie? Do it. Want to spend 4 straight hours playing xbox? Do it. Need to get some work done? Do it whenever you want. Want to spend a couple of bucks on something? I don’t have to try to explain and justify it to anyone. Granted, its not like she would shoot me down for stuff, but I would make myself feel guilty for some reason if I wanted to buy some software or something. I do kinda wish I had a single friend in the same boat who could do the same sorts of things. Weekend in Seattle. Quick trip to Vegas. I’m not saying my friends are all whipped or anything, but they do have wives they have to compromise with. I won’t begrudge anyone that. But still…

Speaking of which… marriage is expensive. Especially when she wasn’t really pulling in much cash working part time. I have a lot more cash in my pocket these days. I haven’t really changed how I live that much… so I guess we can sorta figure out who was the expensive one, eh?

I can’t say that I don’t wish I still owned a house. Apartment life sucks. But, at least I have a respite from all the related rigmarole. No lawn maintenance. No weeding flower beds. I really have never enjoyed gardening and the like. So, not having to do it now is nice. It wasn’t just the ‘doing it’ that sucked… it was the hanging over your head that it had to be done.

I will say that overall, life is much simpler these days. I’m sure there are other advantages, but I haven’t run across them yet. Plus, its still a debate on whether the pros are outweighing the cons for me yet.

On another note, I’ve been listening to ESPN Radio this morning. They are having the annual Jimmy V Cancer Foundation auction. Up for auction this hour is a package of a Notre Dame football game, complete with a lunch with Charlie Weiss (head coach), airfare, hotel, game tickets, pep rally, etc etc etc. I know this thing will probably go for $20,000 or something (its a national radio show) but if I had unlimited funds, I would buy that auction item. That sounds like so much fun, I can’t even describe it. The show host, Colin Cowherd, has said something that I totally believe in. “Life is about experiences”. It’s true. When you’re 90, you are not going to remember work. You’re going to remember the time you went to Hawaii. Going to a Michigan vs. Notre Dame football game. Seeing autumn in New England. Drinks in a pub in Ireland. The time your raft went over the waterfall. Experiences. There are a number of experiences I still want to have. Hopefully, I’ll find someone to have those with. Many experiences are far better with someone to share it with.

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How’m I doin?

I suppose I should write about how I’ve been doing lately since I haven’t done an update like that in a while. Here goes.

I would have to say that things have improved, but not a whole lot. In my down time I still find myself thinking about everything and it still bums me out. You know what really sucks? When you work hard all day to try and not think about it, then when you sleep that night you have a dream about the her, the divorce, the loss, whatever. Nothing like starting your day off on a really positive note. I used to really enjoy the fact that I could very often remember my dreams. Now… not so much… Speaking of sleeping, this hasn’t been a banner week so far. Between bad dreams and more ‘waking up super early’ (yesterday morning… I was awake at 3am, and had to try and kill time before going to work at 6.) I’ve been working out like my doctor suggested, but it doesn’t seem to be helping lately.

What I’ve noticed lately is that I am now mired in the ‘missing her’ state. I’m not angry. I don’t miss all the ancillary crap that went along with everything. I just simply miss her. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake that. I can distract myself for a little while, but usually not very long. Its all the little stuff I miss. And there is always something to remind me. Hearing a co-worker talking about a ‘rum punch’ (our last summer party, the rum punch was flowing) or the headline “Man Shot in Vegas Airport” (of all things… I can remember our February trip like it was yesterday. Literally.). I found the ticket stub for the movie ‘Inside Man’… we saw that 10 days before the split. I’m surrounded by it all. We loved the HBO show ‘Deadwood’. Now, watching it by myself just isn’t the same. I see advertisements for events or places that we would have totally enjoyed. I haven’t fully trained my brain either, because when I see or hear about things, for the slightest of split seconds I think “hey, we should totally do that!” … before I catch myself. I think its instinctual. Gonna be tough to shake. There are lots of things that I would like to do, but no matter what you try, you just can’t make it work when you’re single. Those of you who are married (and at this point, I think its all of my regular readers) know what I’m talking about. Family and friends are great. And they’re great to do certain things with. But you can’t do everything. George, I love you man, but I seriously doubt we would go to see Michael Buble’ together.

The other day, I was listening to some Sinatra which I haven’t done in a long time. Love songs haven’t really been what I’m into lately. Anyway, of my 20 or so albums, I picked one out at random and started listening. I was really enjoying it. I had forgotten just how much I enjoy his music. Then, the wheels came off the wagon. The song “Our Love is Here to Stay” came on, and I knew it in the first 3 notes. (it was like hell’s version of ‘Name That Tune’… “I can ruin my entire day in 3 notes, Beelzebub!”) Most of you know that was our wedding theme. I couldn’t get that song off fast enough to not put a black cloud over the rest of my day. I really hate that crap like that still gets me. It’s been almost 3 months and there is no end in sight.

I also find myself really missing the boys. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a total animal person. When I’m at someone’s house and their dog is a little too excited or too friendly, they are usually trying to restrain the dog or get him from the room… I’d rather have the exact opposite. Let the 85lbs lab sit on my lap. Give me kisses. Beg for pets. I love it. That’s what I miss from my guys Frank and Dino. Boy, did they love their dad. They would get so wound up when I got home from work. Running around the house at mach 2. I couldn’t work on the computer or watch TV without BOTH of them wanting to be on my lap, preferably burrowed into a blanket of some sort. Wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer (you don’t know how skilled you are until you can learn to type at a desk with two 12lbs. daschunds in your lap). When I hear a doorbell on TV, part of me still waits for the inevitable spastic barking that would ensue. Dog lovers know what I’m talking about. There are reasons you love your dogs and they’re far too many to list. Those are all the things I miss. Even when they were a pain in the ass. Other peoples dogs are great… Syd & Gus… Josie… Sadie… Otis (T-Bone)… but they’re not mine… and mine are gone.

People have told me to get a cat. I like cats well enough… like I said, I’m an animal lover. But as I’m looking at my apartment the thing is just so small. I would need to get one of those automatic litter scooping litter boxes because I’m a lazy S.O.B and don’t want to deal with it. But, there is nowhere in my entire place it would fit. I know that sounds like such a stupid reason to not get one… maybe its just an excuse I’m using to myself. I dunno.

Sometimes I really can’t help but marvel at everything I lost. I know I’ve said it before and don’t want to sound like I’m whining… but goddamn…

I guess I have to live with this:

“Everything can be taken from a man but the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. – Victor Frankl

I’m trying, Victor… I’m trying.

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A Well Spent $47

I’ve had a decent couple days. Apart for the being awake all night Wed, but lets just pretend that didn’t happen. Beers with dad was fun Wednesday evening. It wasn’t too crazy hot outside yet, and we had a table. Those retired guys can get down to where the little festival is before the rest of us working shlubs can. I never used to go down there because standing in the sun, unable to move, holding your beer about 6 inches from your face cause that’s all the space you had. That would suck, so I never did it. However, I did notice that now that I’m single, that should be the place I hang out. Holy cow. Women all over the place. Of course, in my entire life I’ve never met a woman like that, but that’s beside the point.

Last night, I thought I would go out and watch the first game of the NBA finals. Have a beer and some dinner. Hang out. I went down to the Ha’ Penny again (see Roller Coaster). Whether anyone would be there or not, I didn’t care. I walk in and see Barry (the owner) and Coach Mac (local basketball coach). I sit with them and kinda shoot the shit a little bit and watch the beginning of the game. Had a beer. Another guy, John, (owner of the Big Easy) who is a friend of Barry and an acquaintance of mine, came by and they talked about going to get dinner. They invited me to come along, and I had originally turned them down, not wanting to feel like I was imposing. But then I realized that was stupid, and went with them. We went down to another sports pub Busters, to eat and watch the rest of the game. Had a good time. It was nice to be out with some new-old people. (if that makes sense)

A couple appetizers, 4 beers and 4 entrees later we were finishing up. Waitress comes by and I just give her my card and tell her I’ll get it. Of course, they all objected. But I held my ground and just said, “Hey guys, I’m flush now. I can get it. Who knew marriage was so expensive, huh?” Well, they were very appreciative. When I got the check, it was remarkably cheap. $47 something. Sheeeeit… that’s nothing. I don’t spend much money anymore. I’ve got well over a whole paycheck in my checking account, and payday is in 5 days again. Not to mention that there is whole other paycheck that rent will come out of (on the first). That never happened when I was married, or if it did, it was for a very short time until the recently written checks cleared. But I digress…. they thanked me profusely, “You didn’t have to do that.” etc. I guess they didn’t realize it was well worth 47 bones to me just be included with those guys.

Other thoughts.

World Cup starts today. Also starting today is the avalanche of “Soccer is loved in the rest of the world but not in the US” columns from every sports writer in America. I mean, honestly… that is the laziest topic they could possibly write about. Is there anyone on the planet that doesn’t know that already? Certainly every sports fan in America (a.k.a. the people who read said sports columns) already knows this.

However, I’m bucking the trend. I kinda like to watch soccer. But, its kinda like a slower hockey, so I can see the strategy behind it. Granted, there isn’t a ton of scoring. But, I figure as long as there are some good shots, saves, a couple yellow cards, and at least one guy who’s knocked down and spends 30 seconds rolling around holding his knee like it just exploded, and then proceeds to get up and stays in the game. Who couldn’t like that? Also, I’ve been playing a little video world cup soccer which always seems to pique my interest in something.

So, Go USA. If we get out of our group it will be a miracle.

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Roller Coaster

Last week was the closest thing to a roller coaster since this whole thing started. Unbelievable. To start, Monday, Memorial Day, I was in absolute agony with that stomach virus whateveritwas. So, I was battling that all week, including Tuesday and Thrusday afternoon off work. Didn’t really start to feel ‘normal’ until Saturday. By the way, it was more difficult than I thought being sick and being alone for the first time. I couldn’t drive. I didn’t have any meds. I had to call my sister and parents to see if they could drive across town and bring me some. If that isn’t emasculating, I don’t know what is.

I did have something happen that really sent me reeling. Let me explain. For the past week or 2, I have visited match.com and just browse to see who’s out there. Don’t have a profile up. Am not responding to any ads. Just looking. No way am I ready to start dating.

Well, after putting in the search, guess who was the very first result? You guessed right if you said, G, the ex. When I saw that, it felt like I’d been punched. I don’t know if there is a stronger sense of the word irony than that. That is right out of a shitty chick-flick, but it would usually be the woman on the receiving end.

The picture she used I remember taking at a tailgate party last year and she was wearing a Boise State sweatshirt that I remember purchasing with her at Costco one Saturday. I know I shouldn’t have read her description, but I did. The things she likes doing pretty much described our life. Places to go, things to do, all of it. Of course, she did add ‘extroverted’ to her ideal match criteria. Who could that be a unintentional shot at? Long story short, I was devastated.

I made an appointment to see my shrink Friday morning. Had to work some things out, obviously. As we were talking I finally realized something. That was not my life. If I can be removed from the picture of her and her family… and absolutely nothing changes, then that was most certainly not my life. Her family is so influential, that we never built ‘our life’. It was pretty much dictated to us. Thats not to say we didn’t do fun things and whatnot… we did. But, there was never any deciding to not do something that was happening. Wasn’t an option.

And for my personality, that was fine with me. I didn’t have to make any decisions, I was along for the ride. Other people were driving. I went with the flow. I attempt to avoid conflict at all times (another thing I’m working on) so, I didn’t make waves. Doc said that one reason I’m having such a hard time right now is that I’m back in the driver seat, and I haven’t been here for a while. Its an adjustment, and is adding to the general feeling of unease.

Doc also made a good analogy. He compared her going out dating again with what she’s looking for and her family situation and everything to Bewitched. They switched Darren’s half way through and pretended like nothing happened. He was just plugged in and along they went. I was Darren. I didn’t hit my mark, speak my lines, and get out of the scene well enough. So, I’m being replaced.

So, by the time I left my appointment, I was feeling better. Not ‘good’ mind you, but better. Still a long way to go.

But, the day wasn’t over. I made the decision that I was going to go down to the Ha’ Penny pub (the place we used to go all the time, and are friends with the owner) to get some dinner, and watch the basketball game. By myself. I show up and sit at the bar, and have a beer. Sooner or later, Barry (the owner) comes by and sits next to me. We shoot the shit a little bit, talk about life and whatnot. He is the coolest guy. I got some food, and watched the game. He is always ‘on’ in that place and talking to a bunch of people. His girlfriend Jessica comes in an hour and a half after me or so. She and Barry are going to eat. They invited me to sit at their table with them. She is really nice too. Asking questions about this whole deal. I don’t mind talking about it.

Let me backup. On my way down there, I had met G to swap some more stuff. There were still a few things that were over there of mine, and I had some insurance paperwork she needed. We talked for a little while. We’re cordial to each other. One thing I did notice, that is probably evil for me to mention, but I’m sure she’s put on weight. Where I’ve lost 30+ she looked bigger to me.

Anyway, as I’m down there with Barry and Jessica, about 8:30, who should come walking in the door. Yup. It’s almost like I’m being tested or something. We said hello to each other, and she to Barry and Jessica, then went and sat with her boss and a couple other people I didn’t know. Jessica asked if it was a little awkward… I said no, but it kinda was. I was reminded of all the good times we’d had in there. Kinda tough. But it was good to get through. Once the game was over, I started out. I waved by to her (didn’t want to go up and talk) and headed home. Felt a little weird afterwards. Just another step, I suppose.

I know this post is a monster, but I haven’t posted for a few days and wanted to get this out. There is one other thing. A couple times I’ve seen or spoken to her, she has asked if I had understood anymore of the reason this happened. Well, for christ sake, we haven’t spoken about it (the reasons, that is) one single time after those 15 minutes that monday evening not so long ago. How am I supposed to understand her reasoning if I’m left to try to figure it out on my own? Yeah, I have my thoughts as to why it happened. Theories if you will. But thats all they are. I don’t know if they’re right or wrong. I guess its academic at this point anyway, but that just kinda pissed me off.

Has a corner been turned? Stay tuned, I suppose.

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Some ‘PD’ Friends…

Well, I think Saturday was probably one of my better days “since”. More on that in a minute. Friday was a little tough, because G loved Cinco de Mayo. Not to mention, at one point, we were planning on having a big party for that day. Needless to say, I thought about her more than once durring the day. I had an eye checkup scheduled that day. Side story, one reason I should have seen this coming before I did, we had originally had eye appointments at the same place scheduled 30 minutes apart. When we got the notices a few months ago, I made the comment “Hey, maybe we can go to lunch that day since we’ll both be down there.” Her response? “That’s a month and a half away.” At the time, I was a little confused by this response. However, looking back, it makes perfect sense that she had already planned to do what she had planned and we wouldn’t be together when that came around. Stupid me.

Anyway, the eye appointment was kinda tough. She got her glasses at the same place and we had been in there multiple times. They are really friendly in there though, and when the lady there had called to confirm the appointment, she mentioned that she had heard I had a ‘change’. I’m assuming G called to cancel her appointment and told her why. That was good so I didn’t have to answer the question, “How is G?”. I dread that question.

So, I had my appointment and need some glasses for computer work. I also bought a pair of Oakley sunglasses to replace the sunglasses I lost on our last trip to Vegas in Feb. (One more reminder) So, Friday night I came home and decided I was going to cook for the first time in my apartment. I’ve only been here for a month, its about time. So, I went to Albertsons and got the fixin’s for tacos and a twelve-er of beer. I cracked a beer (first one I’d had in the apartment as well) and cooked some grub. Not gourmet by any stretch, but it was a start. Again, another step to normalcy.

However, Saturday has been one of my better days since all this happened. Earlier in the week, George invited me over for a bbq at his place. So, I rolled out of bed about 10am (I’m finally sleeping better. The ambien works) and played some games and did some work for my 2nd job. Talked to my boss for my 2nd job and got my next steps squared away and I think I understand what’s needed, which is always a good feeling. Then, I went to George’s place. I took some beer and we BS’ed for hours. His daughter Catie was sleeping and wife was at work, so we could just talk. Computers and movies and just crap. Just shooting the shit. Then, he fired up some burgers and fed me a good meal. It was really nice. His daughter is adorable (see ‘knitting on call’ to right) and his wife is really nice.

Then, I had gotten a call from Adam, a friend that I had known for a while as part of the couple Beth and Adam. They were couple friends that G and I had. I had sent him an email hoping that we might still be able to do things together, not really sure what to expect. You will notice in the post One Month below, I conspicuously left Adam and Beth out of the list of friends not to see again hoping that I still might see them, or at least him. Anyway, the party was at Barry’s place. I got there and it was really really nice of them to invite me. It was just really good to see some people I had known PD (pre-divorce). Barry, Coach Mac, Bobby BoSox, Hoffey, Becker and Adam. I only took a $50 bankroll and was more than happy to lose it all, if for no other reason to get out of the house and have a few beers with these guys. Just being there was really good. Almost felt like things were back to normal for a few hours. I can only hope I’m included in some future games. I would have one at my place, except for the fact I don’t have room in my apartment for a table. We could play in my storage unit where my table and chairs are I suppose, although that doesn’t quite doesn’t have the ambience one might like. I busted out early and it was still nice to sit at the table and have a beer and shoot the shit. I would be happy to drop a hundy every game if I keep getting invited. Its worth that much to me. Plus, I’m really craving a Dublin Dip from Barry’s Bar/Restaurant. Haven’t been there since a week prior to the event. And we used to be there once a week with regularity. Barry said flat out to me, ‘don’t hesitate to come back to the bar’. Logically, I know that should be the case since its a free country but to hear him say it really carries a lot of weight for me. I still just dread the ‘bump in’.

On a side note I forgot to mention… I got a envelope in the mail on Friday. It was from the attourney. I guess we’re officially divorced… I guess… I read it and its the same thing I signed 2 weeks ago or whatever. Its always fun to see the final nail get driven into the coffin. I know the deceased is not getting up again, but that doesn’t mean that the finally doesn’t sting a little, ya know? *sigh*

Alright, enough of the novel. Going to bed. Maybe I do have some friends left after all… I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. Although, I forget that people haven’t been in the loop on what’s gone down ‘since’. Maybe I’ll direct them here to get a rundown as to how I’m doing.

Goodnight.

Adam (flashing Gang Signs) and Beth, March 2006