Vegas Dreams

Well, one step forward, one step back. Today wasn’t as good. I found myself thinking a lot about Vegas. Specifically, the fact that G and I were there less than 2 1/2 months ago. We had such a good time. Sometimes I still can’t believe that all this has happened since then. It still seems surreal. I can remember everything we did. Part of me really wishes we hadn’t gone. See, we hadn’t been there since our honeymoon 3 years ago. If we wouldn’t have gone in February, then Vegas wouldn’t remind me so much of her. Now, when I think of the strip, I just think of all the things we did while we were there for 4 days most recently. How depressing. More of that ‘never get to do with her again’ category of memories. Be it eating at the restaurants we like, going downtown, getting drinks and listening to live music, seeing a show, playing Pai Gow. So many stories. Happy and sad all rolled into one toxic mental stew.

John has offered multiple times to foot the bill for a trip to Vegas. I know I must be crazy to turn him down. I would totally hate to get down there and feel horrible. Its difficult to explain. I wish I could just get this stuff out of my head. It just keeps circulating around in there never going anywhere. I didn’t do a damn thing all day. Didn’t even get dressed until 4:00. Luckily no one stopped by. Not that I really would have cared.

Anyway, maybe next time I can take TWO steps forward before I take a step back. Like Bill Muarry in ‘What About Bob’… “baby steps.”

Or this one is better

Bob Wiley: You ever hear of Tourette’s syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?
Dr. Leo Marvin: It’s exceptionally rare.
Bob Wiley: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch… bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead!
Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this?
Bob Wiley: Well, if I fake it then I don’t have it.

Good night.