One Month

Well, here it is. The one month mark since ‘the day’. God, sometimes it feels like its been 4 years since it happened, and others it seems like it was just yesterday I was happy. *sigh* I’m feeling ok I guess. Not all the time mind you. Trying to stay busy helps, but at the same time, taking time to do nothing helps too. I do still feel lonley. I mean, I really enjoyed to spend time with her. The things we did together were always fun. We had so many similar interests… that is tough to lose. I guess you don’t appreciate what you got until its gone, right?

I miss all of those friends that I will never see again. Her family friends and her friends. Thats what’s tough. “Our” life was really “Her” life. I’m not terrific at maintaining contact with friends (see Step in the right direction below), so, we did things with her friends. I didn’t mind cause I really like them all. Plus, at all the events there was always the same family friends that would be there. The Faricys, the Mondadas, Becky and Mike, Barry and Jessica, the DeAngelis, the Riddles, Coach Graham and Marsha, Coach Mac, Julious and Becky and everyone else from BSU. Chris Costa is one of my favorite people who I’ll most likely never talk to again.

I had to go downtown the other day, and I realized that I really don’t enjoy that right now. All that does is remind me of her. The restaruants we loved. The places we frequented. We used to walk from home down there on nice days. The new development at BoDo I was so looking forward to enjoying with her. Now, I know I can do it on my own, but it just won’t be the same. I haven’t been to the Ha’ Penny (our favorite bar, owned by Barry) since it happened. She and I actually ate there the week before it happened. I didn’t know that would be the last time I would go. I know it sounds crazy to stop going somewhere because of one person, but its not just that. There are lots of memories there. I have lots of pictures from things that happened there. Plus, everyone in her family goes there all the time. I’m really not ready to run into any of them.

Speaking of which, I’m kind of surprised I have not heard from her mom at all. She is really nice and very caring. I guess once you’re out, you’re out. I’m sure they’re just going on like I never existed in their lives at all. I’ll have to return to this subject later.

Thats all for now.