We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. Today was really hard. Really hard. I didn’t have much to do, and found myself really missing her badly today. Things are tough when you feel so alone. Granted, family and friends are there, but it is just not the same thing. You know things are bad when you’re fighting back tears in the goddamn grocery store. I went to Albertson’s to pick up a few things, and anything and everything reminded me of her. Today is one of those days when I really feel it. I don’t know if it’s stupid or not, but I don’t even want to buy groceries that remind me of my past life. I know that is the most asinine thing in the world. No wonder I never want to eat anything. Last thing I want to do is think of her everyday I open the fridge, but I’ll be damned if I can stop it.
Just to get out of the house today, I went to Costco just to browse around. Didn’t seem to help much, or at all. A day like today, I don’t know if anything would help. I didn’t buy anything, and really just found more stuff to depress me.
I am so tired of feeling like this. There is no end in sight. To this day, sometimes it STILL doesn’t feel like its real. I can’t believe this happened. I think the problem is that I just don’t “not love” her anymore. Despite everything. And I’m the guy who never had a problem being alone before. I was single for 5 years. Didn’t bother me at all. Now, I can’t go 3 days without feeling lonely to the nth degree. I know things could be so much worse too, I mean, nobody has died, everyone’s healthy, etc. etc. etc. But that doesn’t seem to matter for shit right now.
God this sucks.