Question. When you get the keys to your new residence, what is generally the first thing you do?
If you’re like 99.9% of the population, you probably take the 6 seconds and proudly slide that new key on your key ring. It’s almost a symbol of your new life. A very momentous occasion for most.
Unless you’re my wife.
Somehow, she never bothered to place a house key on her key ring, despite the beautiful little setup the builder had for us upon our move in. Each key on a shiny little ring in a jewelery box. Nope. Never did it. In fact, I even TOLD her to do it, multiple times in the past 9 months since we’ve moved in. Still never did it. She even has the typical “woman keyring” with a dozen or more keys on it… keys to her office and her parents house and even to a padlock to my old storage unit. “I have a key to the rental house, though”, she said.
Why do I mention this? Oh, I don’t know… maybe it could have something to do with the fact that we just spent the last 45 minutes locked out of our own house.
We just now regained entry with the help of a locksmith and $55.
See, after work we decided that we would go to the gym and work out. No biggie, we do this multiple times a week. However this time the garage door somehow locked when it closed upon our exit. My guess is the lock mechanism wasn’t turned all the way open or something. Anyway, when the door shut, it locked. We got back from the gym only to find it immovable. Oh shit.
Even worse, the hide-a-key we had in the front of the house for just such an occasion, wasn’t there. See, this exact occasion happened to my lovely bride a few weeks ago and she retrieved that key to let herself into the house. As I lifted the rock to get the key I was greeted by the sight of bare dirt. No key. Well gee… I don’t suppose you remembered to replace that key you used to get in the house did ya? Apparently not.
Here I am, in shorts and a sweatshirt perusing my work bench for something that might be able to open the door. Like I’m friggin MacGyver or something and am going to miraculously figure out how to pick the lock with a nail, a wasp trap and can of spray paint. Unfortunately, I did not have these skills. What I did have was an iPhone. The iPhone again saves the day, as I was able to look up locksmiths. Finally, the forth number we tried (yes, I had her call) we found someone who could come out in just 25 minutes.
As I only had shorts on and was freezing, I got back into the car and started it up simply for the heater. Jess had the one good idea… we had beer in the fridge. So, I partook.
Jess then told me that she was “taking 80% of the blame for this”. Like somehow this was my fault, despite the fact that I did take those 6 seconds and have a key on my ring. We were driving her car. Thus, no key. She then relented and accepted 90% of the blame, to which I assigned the other 10% to the lock itself. My favorite quote from her was, “I didn’t have a key to my old house either!” like that somehow made this all ok.
Finally the locksmith arrived and it a few short minutes he was inside and it was all over but the fifty bucks we owed him.
Ahh… never a dull moment around the Haberman household.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have a dozen keys made and hiding them all around the garage and yard.