To the Valley of the Stun – pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Finale

Insight.com Fiesta Block Party – Dec 31st, 2007

Still not feeling 100%, we arrived a little late to the pep rally. We could hear Coach Pete speaking as we were walking to the main stage from where we parked (Sun Devil Stadium Lot). But, we were unable to make out what he was saying. We could tell there were a lot of people there from the sheer volume of the cheers.

We finally got to the stage area and found our way into the beer garden. I figured, hell… it’s New Years Eve, I’m in Phoenix with 6000 fellow Broncos, I might as well muscle through a beer. Remarkably enough, with each beer I had, the better and better I felt. I do love beer…

The pep rally was kinda cool. Mark Johnson was the MC and they had a parade of Bronco people and famous Idahoans up there. Not exactly Rah Rah, but it was still cool. Speakers included (while we were there) AD Gene Bleymaier, president Dr. Bob Kustra (who is an amazing speaker) they also had former Boise Junior College player and NFL Hall of Famer Dave Wilcox (who is also father of defensive coordinator Justin Wilcox) and MLB Hall of Famer Harmon Killebrew of Payette. There were the requisite cheers and chants from the crowd. We got our first taste of the madness that was to come in the next 36 hours.

My personal highlight of the pep rally was when the cheerleaders started throwing out foam “Idaho potato” hats to the crowd. Directly in front of us, they threw one, and a drunk guy lunged for it with the same hand he was holding his full beer. The beer exploded all over the place in the ensuing melee, including all over the people around him. HIGH-larious!

The marching band played (video) and the cheerleaders did their things. Here are a few pictures to get what it was like for us there. I’m definitely no professional photographer but it was ‘magic hour’ and I like the self portrait…

fiesta-bowl-trip120 fiesta-bowl-trip123 fiesta-bowl-trip121 fiesta-bowl-trip128

fiesta-bowl-trip132

This block party was very cool. It was a lot like the old Boise River Festival used to be, only bigger and there was simply a sea of blue and orange. There was nary an Oklahoma fan anywhere to be seen. We were confused by this, but figured maybe there was something that all of those OK people were doing instead of being down there. I have said it before, but there is nothing as thrilling to be somewhere on the road with thousands of people all there for the same event. I just love seeing all the Bronco fans showing out for the team. I would say 80% of ALL people at this whole block party had some sort of Boise State gear on. Most, had more than one piece (like we did). As Coach Pete said, Bronco Nation did, indeed, show up in force.

They were selling more Fiesta Bowl and Boise State merch, so we had to fork over a little more cash. We got ticket lanyards, seat cushions, etc. I also got the greatest shirt… It has the Bronco helmet on it and in big letters just says “LATER SOONERS” Who knew this shirt would be so prophetic, huh?

After filling our shopping bags, and being 3 or 4 beers in, we decided to make our way up the street and see what they had to offer. There were the usual carnival games where carneys bark at you to fork over your cash to try to win a gigantic teddy bear. John and I used to LOVE those things at the fair when we were kids. So, just for old time sake he had to try the baseball-throw-at-the-beer-bottles one. No, he didn’t even come close. But, that’s what John does… Spend money like water.

fiesta-bowl-trip133 Speaking of spending money like water, there was a booth that was selling crazy hats. Since they had bronco orange and blue, he and Ilinda could hardly pass up the opportunity. John spent the rest of the evening referring to his “pimp hat”. Aren’t they cute?

After the hat purchases we moseyed on down the way. There were tons of food vendors, booths with stuff for sale, street artists, etc etc. It was quite the party atmosphere.

Since we had been without alcohol for maybe 20 minutes, John was getting antsy. We went into one of the bars along Mill Ave. called “Big Fat Greek Restaurant”. I ordered one of the cheep beers they were offering. Ilinda got a sea breeze. John, on the other hand ordered, and I quote, “Give me the biggest glass you have, fill it with ice, then fill it with Jack Daniels.” Sure enough, the bartender comes back with a pint glass, ice, and Jack. Apparently, John was done screwing around. He was getting it ON.

We downed our drinks in about 15 minutes, which we spent watching the MPC Computers Bowl back home in Boise on their TV’s. Nevada was hanging with Miami. Go Nevada! Yes, John did finish that drink in 15 minutes. Well, you gotta have a hobby, I suppose…

fiesta-bowl-trip137 More walking. Then the bands both marched up the main drag of the party. Anyone who knows me knows I love marching band music, so this was very cool. First the Blue Thunder Marching Band came by. (video. By the way, I love the lady right in front of me ‘conducting’ the band as they come by. No, she wasn’t affiliated with the band at all). Then came the Oklahoma band (video), which was really the first time we really saw any Oklahoma representation the whole night. I will admit, OU has a great fight song. Classic. And their band is friggin HUGE. Having the bands playing really added to the atmosphere that evening.

fiesta-bowl-trip134 fiesta-bowl-trip135fiesta-bowl-trip144 Down the street a bit was a girl doing face painting. Well, we couldn’t let an opportunity like that pass by and Ilinda really wanted a Bronco. So, she got a Bronco! Yes, that is Paul J. in the picture looking on…

And, the finished product.

fiesta-bowl-trip166 fiesta-bowl-trip165 After the face painting, we wandered down to the big screen to watch the end of the MPC Bowl. Nevada was getting SERIOUS love from the Bronco crowd down there to beat Miami. Well, that is until Jeff Rowe threw that game ending interception and everyone left. Way to go Nevada. Way to end your career, Rowe. Terrific performance against BSU in your house on Senior day, then give the bowl game away against Miami. Bravo.

fiesta-bowl-trip148 So it was, we went back to the beer garden. The particular beer garden we found had some crappy local band playing in front of nobody. John was really feeling his booze at this point. He was quite silly. For some reason, he was walking around most of the night with both arms in the air like he was already at the game. Also letting loose with the random, “Wooooooooo!” See the picture for an example. I love that shot…

We also fooled around with the camera a bit, and I make another apperance in the pictures. I love the one of me and John. I call that one “Me & the Gay Cowboy”.

fiesta-bowl-trip146 fiesta-bowl-trip142 fiesta-bowl-trip145 fiesta-bowl-trip143

As you might be able to tell from the pictures that John is fully 3 sheets to the wind at this point. In full roar, if you will. When he gets like this, he talks non-stop to anyone and everyone. We were stopping strangers and taking photos. He was the life of the party.

fiesta-bowl-trip164 We ran into a guy whom John called “The Blue Pimp”, who reportedly told him to “have some coffee”. Now, when a guy dressed as a pimp at a Bronco New Years Eve party tells you you have probably had too much to drink, you should probably pay attention.

Sensing that John was on the verge, we ambled down the street to a joint selling pizza slices to get a little food in us. I had stopped drinking earlier since I had the feeling I might be employed to get us home. Which was probably a wise move as John deteriorated.

John had gotten quiet now. You know the end is near when he STOPS talking. He had that full ‘drunk walk’ in effect. I like to call it the ‘foot-slap’ walk where he’s not really stepping, but more slapping his feet down. Bobbing and weaving. Since he was obviously done and I was getting tired we decided we might as well call it a night, and headed off to find the car.

Yes, for those of you out there astute enough to notice that we haven’t reached midnight yet. In fact, we made it back to the hotel at just after 11. John passed out with his clothes on, and Ilinda and I watched the celebrations on TV and chatted a bit. She got quiet not long after that, and it was just me. I tried to stay up until I saw the ball drop, but I think I fell asleep something like 11:45.

You know you are old when you fall asleep before midnight on New Years Eve. You know you’re even older when that fact doesn’t seem to bother you all that much.

Besides… tomorrow was THE day. I had bigger fish to fry.
To be continued…

To the Valley of the Stun – pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Finale

Sunday, December 31st

We woke up after a night of drinking to see just how lovely the hotel and area we were in actually was. Kind of that run-down big city depressed neighborhood near a freeway sort of feel. Needless to say, our plans were not to hang around the hotel much.

So, John made a run to the nearby McDonald’s for a tasty breakfast. I had my usual, sausage biscuit and 2 hash browns. I was more interested, however, in the large Dr. Pepper. I had that “hungover mouth” going pretty bad, especially after 5 hours in a poorly ventilated casino the night before .

All three of us were in the same room, simply to save cash. We’re all friends so it was no big deal. The highlight of that morning would be when Ilinda was in the shower and John went into the bathroom to do his morning “business”. Having spent a lot of time around John, if he had pulled such a stunt on me, I would have had to kill him. That is the toxicity we’re talking about here. Ahh… married life…

fiesta-bowl-trip015Also, John was quite proud of his latest addition. See left. I do know one thing… John, my man, you gotta get your ass to the gym. I know ’round’ is a shape, but that is ridiculous! Thus, the running joke for the weekend was John’s weight and lack of wind. I laughed pretty hard when he got winded rolling over in bed. I think when you break a sweat when you brush your teeth, that might be the sign for a lifestyle change…

Since we certainly weren’t going to hang around our hotel for the day, we decided to venture out and explore the area a bit. We wanted to head out to find the stadium just so we would know where we were going. Unfortunately, I forgot to take my camera with me for the day, which was a real bummer. Sorry for the lack of images.
fiesta-bowl-trip017University of Phoenix Stadium is literally built out in the middle of nowhere. As you can see from the pictures. I understand wanting to build where land is cheap and all, but man… there is NOTHING out there. They are building a big retail/entertainment complex next door to the stadium, but there is certainly no nightlife or vibe around that place. Which is too bad. As amazing as that stadium is, after talking to some people down there who have been to the Fiesta Bowl in Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, that is just much more fun. I can believe that.fiesta-bowl-trip018

The area of the stadium really reminded me of the area that the Idaho Center was built here at home. That was in the middle of farm land when they built it 10 years ago too. They have put a bunch of stuff around it now, but it is still out in the middle of nowhere. For my money, I would MUCH rather attend events on BSU campus or in Qwest Arena downtown before driving all the way out to Nampa. But that’s just me.

After a quick tour of the Stadium area we set out to find Tempe and the Mill Ave District where the New Years Block Party was going to happen that night. So we got back on the freeway and navigated the maze.

We found it easily, and since we were on the right side of town, John wanted to go back to the casino. Imagine that… John wanted to gamble some more! So, we headed over there at about 10 in the morning. I can tell you this, it was not as much fun in there in the morning. There were probably 70% fewer people, but some how there was 200% more cigarette smoke. That was the WORST ventilated casino I have ever been in. I dropped another hundred in no time and had to head outside to get some fresh air. By the time we left, maybe a little more than an hour after we got there, I felt like I had smoked about 20 packs of cigs. Ugh. I could hardly breathe. Absolutely disgusting.

One other thing about the casino I found strange. Both that morning and the night before, we had many many dealers as they migrated around. Of course, we were wearing Boise State gear as we were playing. Not one of the dealers had any clue about what was going on that weekend. They thought we were Denver Broncos. They asked why we were in town. They asked who we were playing. They asked where we were playing and what game it was. They had absolutely NO clue about the whole deal. And these weren’t female Filipino immigrants either. We are talking regular old white guys. I know, Phoenix is a big city and there are always lots of events going on, but shouldn’t your dealers know when and why people might be visiting your casino? How can NONE of them be college football fans? Amazing.

Another funny dealer story. You know how they will ask you where you’re from, what you do, etc. One dealer was asking John what he did, and John told him he ran a lumber mill. Dealer says, “well, you’ve got all your fingers so you must know what you’re doing.” To which John held up his left hand and said, “actually… I don’t…” See, John had his left index finger removed due to a bone tumor years ago. We found it hilarious, but the dealer was falling all over himself trying to apologize.

Ilinda wanted to do a little shopping for their boys at home, so we found a large outlet mall just off the freeway. Arizona Mills Mall was pretty impressive for an outlet mall. The strangest thing was the Neiman Marcus outlet store. I have never been in a legit Neiman Marcus. I don’t know what sorts of things they have. But, if this outlet store was any guide, I’ll never need to visit one. They had some of the most hideous 80’s style hip-hop brightly colors paisley shirts for sale… regular price $500, now on clearance for $230. What!?! I couldn’t believe the prices on what I was seeing. There was a sport coat that would have been right at home in the wardrobe of Sonny Crockett on Miami Vice for $3,500 dollars. The thing was, the store totally felt like an outlet store. Cheap fixtures and racks. Kinda grungy. “BLOW OUT CLEARANCE” signs. Combined with the prices, it was seriously like shopping on another planet.

We had plans to have lunch with some local people that Ilinda knew from the internet, so after shopping for a bit in the other stores, we were off to find this Mexican restaurant called Garcia’s. By this time I was pretty hungry, so that was just fine with me. We found the place and pulled into the parking lot. The strange thing was there were 2 buildings, both with “Garcia’s” signs on either end of the parking lot. We were quite confused how that was supposed to work. Apparently, one was just a take out sort of place, while the other was the sit down joint. Odd.

We were a bit early, so we sat in the bar to watch some playoff football and wait. We got a couple drinks (I had a coke as I was not feeling great from the smoke and the drinking last night) and some chips and salsa. I was starving so I dug in. After 20 minutes or so, Ilinda’s friend shows up with her husband and we got a table.

We sat down and had probably one of the worst waiters I’ve ever had. It took him 10 minutes to take our 5 orders. Let’s just say, English was not his first language. Now, there are 2 things in common to every Mexican restaurant on the planet. One, they serve food on scalding hot plates. Two, food always comes very quickly. Well, at this particular joint, only one of those axioms held. It was a full 45 minutes from the time we ordered until our food arrived. Unbelievable. You can sit down, order, eat, and be out the door in 45 minutes at any other Mexican place I’ve ever eaten at.
What was even worse than that was how I felt. I guess, the horrific smoke intake somehow rebelled against the salsa I ate and I had what was probably the worst heartburn I have ever had. My god, it was absolutely brutal. I ordered a water to try to douse the flames, but it was hopeless. By the time the food came, I was in such agony, I basically just pushed my enchiladas around the plate. Brutal.

Not to mention that I seriously felt like the 5th wheel on this car. Ilinda and her friend. The husband and John (had the vested interests in each other) but I really didn’t feel like talking much. Combined with the magma in my chest, those 2 and a half hours of lunch were practically unbearable. All I could think about was getting some antacid and lying down before the block party that night.

By the time we got out of there, the lying down part was out of the question. There was a Boise State pep rally to kick off the block party and I wanted to be there. We stopped at a local grocery store near our hotel to get me some meds. Lets just say that this place was where the ‘Hispanic food aisle’ was the whole store. All of the signs were in Spanish and English. I was the whitest person in that entire building. I kept expecting to run into an aisle of ‘honky’ food where they kept the hamburgers, french fries and Jell-o.

But, I got my Maalox and we finally got back to the hotel a little before 4. The pep rally was scheduled for 4:30 and was all the way over in Tempe. So, I had about 10 minutes to relax and try to douse the flames.

After a quick refresh, it was time to get back on the road and keep the party going. So, we did.

The story shall continue…

To the Valley of the Stun – pt. 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Finale

Here we go… a blow by blow description of my unbelievable weekend in the Phoenix watching my beloved Boise State Broncos play in the Fiesta Bowl.

Friday, Dec 29th

My plan was to fly round trip to Phoenix from Salt Lake City rather than Boise. After the Broncos clinched their undefeated regular season vs. Nevada (another game I was at) the airfares from Boise to Phoenix jumped to over $400. Being the genius I am, I checked for flights from SLC and found one for $260. I jumped on it.

I didn’t think when I purchased the ticket that it was winter and the weather for the drive might screw me up. Thus, I planned to stay the night in SLC the night before my flight was to leave, just to give me plenty of leeway. Of course, it would turn out I wouldn’t need it at all, but more on that in a minute.

fiesta-bowl-trip178 I got on the road at about 1pm. The day was crystal clear and there was not a single icy spot anywhere on the 300 mile trip to Salt Lake. fiesta-bowl-trip174

All was well and good during the drive until about 4:30, when I ran into freeway construction and a Friday rush hour all rolled into one. About 30 miles from Salt Lake, I was fortunate enough to be able to slow down and really soak in the scenery… In other words, I got to come to a complete stop on the freeway, which is always one of my favorite things in the world.

The traffic finally lighented up and I approached my exit. Well, at least it was the exit that Microsoft told me to take. I used MapPoint to plan my trip, and Microsoft screwed me. I got off at exit 316 like they told me, only to find NOTHING THERE. So, after a quick pee break, I get back on the freeway. A couple miles down the road, I saw a sign pointing to what I thought was the exit I was supposed to take… well, it was an exit too early. To top that off, it was an exit with no corresponding on ramp. Thus, I’m driving in the dark through this industrial area looking for a way to get back onto the freeway. When I finally find an on ramp, I realize that this ramp is AFTER the exit I should have taken. Well shit. So, I stay on the freeway knowing my hotel is by the airport. I should be able to find that.

I drove until I found an airport exit. Great! Back in business. Well, that was until I found myself cruising around these deserted loops around the airport. I’m on these freeways that drive past the damn FedEx terminal. Its pitch dark out here and I have no idea where the hell I am. On top of this, my gas tank is hovering very close to ‘e’.

Somehow, I find the street my hotel is on and make it to a gas station in time.

I would just like to take a second to get on the record how much I HATE the street names in SLC. Or should I say the lack of street names. Everything is a number. And not good numbers like “40th street”… no no… they are all “W 2000 N.” When you are reading a freeway sign that is entirely composed of numbers and random letters, you really start to get frustrated. “wait, was that 200 N or 2000 W?!? Son of a bitch!!” My hotel was on a ‘named’ street, but even that was messed up. North Temple West. *sigh*

I digress. I made it to the hotel (which had the swimming pool and hot tub actually in the lobby, which I found a little odd) and saw my first fellow Broncos in the lobby. Apparently I wasn’t the only one to have the same ingenious plan.

I got a pizza and a beer from the grocery store since there was no way was I going to try to find a “sports bar” in Salt Lake. For those of you who haven’t had the privilege of attempting to drink in Utah, let’s just say it’s an adventure. So, I stayed in the room and flipped between bowl games and Saddam’s execution. It was a strange evening in a strange place, to be sure.

Saturday, Dec 30th

I woke up early. I was geeked up and couldn’t help it. I was packed up and ready for the shuttle to the airport atfiesta-bowl-trip170 9am. The hotel gave me a complementary paper with an interesting little sticky note on it. “If you do not wish to receive the newspaper please contact the front desk for a $.15 refund.” Seriously? How big of a skinflint are you that you are indignant that they stole fifteen cents from you?

I got checked in and through security and to my gate at 9:30. Only problem? My flight was scheduled to leave until 11:55. Oops. I settled in for my wait.

As I read my $.15 paper, I did see that the Salt Lake Tribune predicted Boise State 27 Oklahoma 21. That’s a good sign, right?

At 11, they announced my flight would be delayed 30 minutes.

At 11:40, they announced a 2 hour delay. It appears that our plane had an engine that wouldn’t start. So, they had to fly in a new plane and we should hopefully be off at 3:00. Great. To rub salt into the wound, they boarded and departed another flight to Phoenix. Those of us who were stuck grumbled amongst ourselves about how we got jobbed.

To rub even MORE salt into the wound the airport in Salt Lake is horrible. They had multiple TV’s on all over the place. Every last one of them was tuned to CNN with no audio. There were multiple college bowl games on, but could we see any of them? Absolutely not.

Eventually we got out and got safely to Phoenix. Only about 3 hours late. That made for a long day at the airport.

fiesta-bowl-trip114 I met up with John and Ilinda (who flew into Phoenix from Georgia a couple hours earlier) and John drove us directly to the local Indian casino. Gotta love vacation. Weather was beautiful and it is always nice to see palm trees.

Gila River Casino is on the south side of town and John and I headed directly to the blackjack tables. We found seats at a $10 table and started playing and the drinks started flowing. At this particular casino however, if you’re playing the table minimum as I was, you gotta pay for your drinks. John was playing $25 a hand and got his drinks for free. Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I gotta think that getting EVERYONE sauced should be your number one priority in a casino. But what do I know.

We played for about 3 hours and I broke even (even after paying for drinks). John, being the stud that he is, ended up $800! So, dinner was on him. Seeing as I had eaten exactly nothing for the whole day, I was more than ready for a little grub.

We hit the road and found the local Claim Jumper. The food was tremendous, but then again, 3 hours of drinking on an empty stomach and I would have been hard pressed to find a meal that wasn’t any good. It was a beautiful piece of prime rib and a huge baked potato. My meal also came with a muffin and whipped honey butter but they cleared that off before I had a chance to partake. In the state I was in, I didn’t even notice until we were leaving. That bummed me out because I love whipped honey butter!

John was not finished gambling… aka. he still had money in his pocket. Thus, we went back to the casino. I proceeded to give them that $100 I had been playing with post haste. John fared a little better, but also ended up giving them some of their money back. We decided to call it a night and head to the hotel.

fiesta-bowl-trip013 The good news was that our hotel was right off the freeway. The bad news? Everything else. We drove upfiesta-bowl-trip014 and the neighborhood was a bit dodgy, but when I saw the hotel (which was more of a motel actually) had an armed guard in the parking lot, that sealed it. You gotta love those blind internet booked hotels, right? Its almost like the lottery. This place was very much like the Super 8 in Reno. Mostly clean, but certainly not The Ritz. (Picture to left is a lovely stain next to the bed and to the right is a wad of gum on my headboard. That should give you a hint)
However, at that point, I didn’t care. I came in and crashed in no time.

We had big days ahead.

To be continued…

Shortest day of the year

Hi Everyone… just a reminder that today is the shortest day of the year. It’s all downhill from here! I’ve always felt you should celebrate strange days (like today). Maybe stay in and watch a movie. While on the summer solstice, you can go out golfing or something. I don’t know, I’m weird like that.

We’ve just gotten a decent snowfall here and there is a chance that some of it might still be around on Christmas. I can’t remember the last white Christmas we had. It’s so very exciting…

Also, today is my last day of work until the 3rd of January. Merry Christmas to me, indeed. Of course, I have to use my vacation days (really… if I don’t use vacation, I won’t be paid. Office is closed and no one is working). But either way, I’ll get to lay around in my underwear and watch bowl games all week. Until I leave for Phoenix and the Fiesta Bowl! More about that (obviously) coming later.

If I don’t post again before Christmas, let me wish everyone a safe and happy Christmas one last time!

You’ll shoot your eye out

Arguably the most famous line from any Christmas movie and bane of bb gun desirers (is that a word?) everywhere.

Since I already did my Christmas music list, I figured I might as well let you all in on my favorite Christmas movies as well. You’ll notice a certain lack of true holiday ‘classics’… because frankly, I don’t enjoy a lot of those movies. Well, that might be a little strong… they’re ok, but they simply don’t break into the top 10 in my list.

Again, as with the songs, these are in no particular order.

acs.jpg A Christmas Story – 1983

Except for this one. This one is first for a reason… it is by far and away my all time favorite Christmas movie. Actually, this one probably falls into my pure ‘favorite movies’ list as well. Nothing I have ever seen so perfectly captures what it is like to be a kid at Christmas. There is a reason that TNT does its “24 Hours of A Christmas Story” every year. I have been known to watch more than one of those showings consecutively. I’m sure I need not describe the movie. You have all seen it by now. And if you haven’t, or even worse, you didn’t like it, I’m sorry. Just leave now and never talk to me again.

There is one interesting aspect to this movie that I have noticed. Obviously, I have been watching this movie since I was 10 years old. Every year. I remember identifying so strongly with Ralphie as a kid. Knowing what you want and trying to figure out ways to make that happen… then the unbridled joy when it does. But, over the past few years, I now identify more and more with the Old Man. Throughout the whole movie, Darren McGavin is so perfect. The scene when he gives Ralphie the bb gun I now view through different eyes. I love to see the dad’s face when he gives that gift. I get excited for the dad, not the son now! Damn, I’m getting old…

dh.jpg Die Hard – 1988

Yes, this is my kind of Christmas movie. John McClane vs. the terrorists on Christmas eve. I don’t know if I’ve seen a movie with better, more quotable lines in it.

I do know this movie line for line and am probably not very fun to watch it with. (Am I, Jess?) I’ll just point you to all of the quotes… if I tried to list them we’d be here all day.

This movie did set the tone for action movies for years to come… everything was “Die Hard on an airplane” or “Die Hard on a ship” etc. Another one in my all time top 10 favorite movies.

scrooged.jpg Scrooged – 1988

’88 was a good year for Christmas movies. “Scrooged” is a modern retelling of the classic Dickens tale A Christmas Carol. Bill Murray plays an evil television exec, Frank Cross, who is in the Ebenezer role. Captain of industry, but a complete bastard.

We’ve got wise cracks from Murray. We’ve got time travel with the ghosts, who are all very funny, especially Carol Kane as the corporal-punishing Ghost of Christmas Present. And we still get the feel good story woven in there too.

That final scene when Frank Cross interrupts the live broadcast on Christmas eve with his “I get it” speech is awesome. For a movie that is a pure comedy, it still manages to deliver on the ‘Christmas Spirit’ angle as well. I love this movie.

tp.jpg Trading Places – 1983

Apparently, ’83 was a good year too. This movie is from those years when Eddie Murphy really had his fastball. He was officially the funniest guy in America. This rags to riches and riches to rags story is also chocked full of very quotable lines (isn’t that right, Jason?) for years I have spent an inordinate amount of time quoting this movie. As it stands, this movie’s lines still make it into my everyday speech even without my recognizing that this is where they came from. John, I know you’re with me on this one. “It ain’t cool bein no jive-turkey so close to Thanksgivin… Yeah!”

But its not just the quotes that are so good. The whole movie is terrific. Not to mention, you get a couple bare boob shots including those of Jamie Lee Curtis. I think comedies in the 80’s were required to show breasts. It was a golden age in movie making…

lw.jpg Lethal Weapon – 1987

This movie turned Mel Gibson into a superstar and defined action-comdey buddy flicks for the next 15 years. Mel plays Martin Riggs, a suicidal detective who is depressed over his wife’s death. Danny Glover is his soon-to-be retiring new partner. Oil and water. The holidays are tough for Riggs as they get mixed up in a drug smuggling ring of ex-commandos. Things are tough for Glover as well who has to put up with Riggs, as well as get his daughter back from the gang that kidnapped her. And, as Mel has shown us recently, he does crazy in is every day life just as well as he does it on screen. A bit of a bonus there.

Interesting side note, this movie was directed by Richard Donner, whose very next movie would be “Scrooged”. The only director with 2 flicks on this list. Plus, his last name is the name of a reindeer!

An iconic 80’s action (and Christmas) movie all the way around.

elf.jpg Elf – 2003

A newer movie for this list. Will Ferrell plays Buddy the Elf, a human who was raised in the North Pole by Santa and his elves. Eventually, he is just too damn big and they send him off to find his real dad, James Caan, in New York City.

I love Will Ferrell. In this movie he plays Buddy with almost childlike abandon. He really does seem to capture that general vibe you get from kids who have too much sugar in their system and are all hyped up for Christmas. Caan is the perfect crusty old man which is a staple role in family holiday movies. I like how this movie doesn’t cheat us by having Caan’s character turning overnight into the over the top sappy guy. Instead, some of his ice is melted and he comes out of the shell a little bit, but he is still the same guy. Very well done.

“Buddy the elf… what’s your favorite color?”

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How The Grinch Stole Christmas – 1966

I know, this was made for tv. I know its only 30 minutes long (22 if you cut the commercials). But I’m putting it on this list. (However, I’m still pretending that that Jim Carrey abortion “The Grinch” never happened)

When I was a kid, if you got to watch a cartoon in prime time, that was a BIG deal. We had 4 channels. You saw cartoons after school and on Saturday mornings. That’s it. But this was one shown at night. One that your parents would watch with you! When it made its yearly appearance, it was an event. Much like the Charlie Brown Christmas special or Rudolph.

Plus, it was Dr. Seuss… who to us kids was like a god. A good rule of thumb is to not trust anyone who didn’t like Dr. Seuss growing up. They’re just not right.

Plus, it was narrated by Boris Karloff for chrissake! How cool is that?

la.jpgLove Actually – 2003

A surprise entry on this list, if I do say so myself. But, I figure I better have a film on here for the ladies.

This movie follows the loosely interconnected lives of 8 couples in London the month before Christmas. Some happy. Some, not so much. An amazingly star studded cast, it is practically a whose who for English actors. I’m pleased to point out that this makes Alan Rickman’s second appearance on this list (he was Hans Gruber in Die Hard).

The only thing I didn’t care for was shot taken at the US by portraying the President (Billy Bob Thornton) as a philandering ass-bag, just so the Prime Minister (Hugh Grant) could look like a independent hero when he says ‘no’ to the US.

But none the less, still an enjoyable holiday movie, and definitely one you can watch with your women, guys. It is sure to score you some extra points with the old lady that you can use this time of year! (Pssst… guys, there is a little gratuitous nudity in this one too)
cv.jpg National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – 1989

Of course, no list would be complete without this movie. I will admit, however, that for years I resisted this movie. It just seemed that everyone loved this movie to the point that it turned me off. I think it might have had something to do with my feelings towards the people I knew who loved it more than anything. Disliking the movie out of spite.

But, in the past few years, I have re-discovered my enjoyment for this movie. Who can’t love the intrepid Clark Griswold who all he wants to do is have the best damn Christmas ever. And much like what happened on his cross-country journey to Wally World, things just don’t work out as planned.

And really, this movie has the best holiday blow-up ever captured on screen. Clark Explodes Listen to it here. “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year…”

No to mention that this movie has given us a new term to describe that house on your block with the 25,000 imported italian twinkle lights… “Griswold-ian”

Well, there you have it. The short list of movies that I watch every year. I know, some of you will be appalled at what I’ve left off my list. Feel free to drop me a comment and lobby for your favorites. Who knows, maybe you can convince me to see them through new eyes and gain a new appreciation for them. Be it “Miracle on 34th St.” or “The Santa Clause” (which was actually pretty good, but has been killed by horrible looking sequels, that I refuse to see).

I’m interested to hear you opinions!

Merry Christmas everyone. Now, go watch a movie tonight!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

If you’re visiting here for the first time, Welcome! I hope you enjoy what you read and visit back occasionally! Feel free to drop a comment and say ‘hi’!

Also, thanks to everyone who liked my card.  I love playing with Photoshop, and with Christmas cards it gives me a reason to show the world my abilities!

Merry Christmas!

Just hear those sleighbells ring-a-ling…

ChristmasIt is obviously that time of year again… Anyone who knows me knows I love Christmas music. I’ve got gigs and gigs of mp3’s and I pretty much play them constantly from the day after Thanksgiving until New Years.

Here are, in no particular order, some of my favorite Christmas selections. You may not be familiar with all of the songs and/or versions I’m speaking about, but they would be worth looking up.

Without further ado…

Sleigh Ride – Boston Pops
Probably my all time favorite Christmas song. This particular version (the symphonic with no lyrics to screw it up) is just so festive I get excited every time I hear it. I’ve been on one sleigh ride in my life, and yes, I did hear this song in my head during.

Jingle Bells – 2 Versions
First version is the Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters. Very upbeat, you can help but tap your toe. It’s great when the sisters break in with “jingle bells… ji-jingle bells… jingle alll the way-ay…” Also, this song appeared in ‘A Christmas Story’ so could be a reason I like it too. The other version is Frank Sinatra’s blusey slower version. Begins with the background singers, “I love those j-i-n-g-l-e bells… whoa… those holiday j-i-n-g-l-e bells…” Very smooth. It is pretty much the opposite of Bing’s. But no less terrific.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas – Bing Crosby
This song almost brings a tear to my eye, especially with Bing singing it. Being a WWII buff, when I hear this song I picture a lonely GI, stationed in the middle of the south pacific somewhere on Christmas. Sweltering in the sun… “Please have snow and mistletoe“. He’ll be home for Christmas, if only in his dreams. Heartbreaking.

White Christmas – Bing Crosby
Keeping with the Bing Crosby theme, you can’t ignore this classic. I just recently saw the movie, but have loved this song my whole life. Every year I hope and pray for a white Christmas, but it seldom happens around here anymore.

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas – Bing Crosby
Ok, one last Bingo song. It’s about all the prep that people do when leading up to Christmas. I love seeing lights and decorations and the like. Makes me happy. Some day I want to go to New York City during the Christmas season and soak in that atmosphere. I also have a habit of singing that song to myself any time it starts snowing… even if its March. *shrug*

Holly Jolly Christmas – Burl Ives
You cannot have a Christmas song list with out Burl Ives on it. Plus, this was always one of my favorite songs to sing in elementary school, when they teach you all the lyrics to Christmas songs.

Let It Snow – Dean Martin
I love the song, because I’m one of those people who when it starts to snow, I hope it never stops. I don’t even ski or do anything in the snow, I just love it. Snow changes everything. Plus, I love Dino and this song was use for the end credits of Die Hard.

The Christmas Song – Nat King Cole
This song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…) is just an all around tremendous song. Written by Mel Torme but perfected by Nat King Cole. The don’t make songs like this any more. Makes you feel warm inside when you hear it.

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays – Perry Como
There is no truer statement than that. There IS no place like home for the holidays. No matter how far you have to travel to get there. Not many songs out there dealing with the travel aspect of the holiday. “I met a man who lives in Tennessee he was headed for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie“. Everyone is going in different directions but all for the same reasons. Terrific.

O Tannenbaum – Vince Guaraldi Trio
You know the song, but the artist might not ring a bell. It will if I tell you, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. This is the group that did all the music for that special, including the song “Christmas Time Is Here” which is also good. It starts very traditional with just a piano, but when the snare and the bass come in and it downshifts into smooth jazz territory. It is the kind of song I want to be somewhere sitting with a mixed drink in a comfy chair listening to.

Sugar Rum Cherry (Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy) – Duke Ellington
Keeping with the jazz theme, this is one of the coolest songs ever. I highly recommend finding a copy. It’s from a disc called “Jingle Bell Jazz”. Takes the old Tchaikovsky classic and puts a slow groove to it. Bongo drums, muted horns, light cymbals. Just very very nice. Bob your head.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – Lou Rawls
From jazz to soul. This version of the song is the one I want to hear. Rawls has a terrific voice and it is so smooth you could wrap this song up and wear it as a coat. Another ‘mixed drink, comfy chair’ song. “From now on our troubles will be miles away” is a great line. I visualize a dark room with the tree blinking on Christmas night. Relaxing with the people you most love. “through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow.” and I hope they do.

Good King Wenceslas – Glenn Miller Orchestra
From jazz, to soul to swing. This is one of the few versions of this song that I enjoy, and I really enjoy it a lot. From a 2 disc set called “In The Christmas Mood”. I do love big band music and this fall right in line with that. It starts with some saxophones playing the main tune. I wish I knew more about music to know what it was called how they are playing, but that first 30 seconds is my favorite part. I will listen to it over and over.

What Christmas Means to Me – Stevie Wonder
I really like this song, but most versions of it are done by pop singers I don’t really care for. This particular version, however, comes from the early 70’s when Stevie Wonder was the biggest thing since sliced bread. He has an awesome voice. Comes from a disc called “Motown Christmas” with a lot of Jackson 5, Smokey Robinson, Diana Ross and the Temptations. Stevie also sings “Ave Maria” which amazing.

Adeste Fideles – Various
I just love this song, especially when its done by an opera tenor or something. This is my favorite ‘church’ Christmas song. I remember being a kid and sitting in Midnight Mass for an hour before it started (had to get there early to get a seat) and with nothing else to do, I sat there and memorized the latin lyrics, which is basically just a verse to “O Come All Ye Faithful”. Granted, it wasn’t exactly taxing, but it gave me something to do that didn’t get Kim and I in trouble. That song has stuck with me ever since.

Eric Cartman Sings
I am a big South Park fan. Eric Cartman is one of the ‘kids’ on that show and just his voice makes me laugh. So, on the South Park Christmas album from a few years ago, he belts out a couple songs. The first one is “O Holy Night” which is just perfect. “It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie” as Eric tells us. “Jesus was born and so I get presents“. Classic. From the same album is “Swiss Colony Beef Log“, which is about the ubiquitous gift baskets people give for the holidays. See, Eric’s neighbors always get his family a beef log, but their out of town this year. So, no beef log. But, in the end, Grandma comes through. Way to go grandma!

The 12 Pains of Christmas – Bob Rivers
Another comedy song that I have loved for a long time. It is not Christmas until you hear this song, at least in my book. I think it is so great because it is the flip side of all the Christmas joy and details everything that can make you crazy this time of year. From wrestling with Christmas lights to entertaining creepy in-laws. Its all in there. “Now why in the hell are they blinking!?

Must Have Been Ol’ Santa Claus – Harry Connick Jr.
I like Harry. He has a great voice and the New Orleans vibe of this song is awesome. Another of those songs you can help but move your body to when you hear. Plus, the story of the song is just fun. A kid gets a ride with Santa. “It must have been ol’ Santa, cause I saw his big red hat and I know my mom and dad can’t fly like that.” You can’t have a song list without some fantasy like that in there. Every kid wants that opportunity. I know I did.

Please Come Home For Christmas – Bon Jovi
Some times known as “Bells will be Ringing”, this is a song about being alone on Christmas. His baby’s gone and he has no friends. Sometimes you just like to have a good slow depressing song. This is the one. Occasionally you don’t want the happy kid friendly songs… you want an adult song of woe. I know I do.

All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carrey
Yes. I have Mariah Carrey on my list. I’m not normally a fan, but she does such a great job with this song I can’t help but like it. Plus, it’s a little more modern than a lot of my songs and it shows up in a lot of movies and other pop culture places. Kinda like the polar opposite of the last song. Relationships are part of Christmas and this is a great way to express those feelings.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside – Various
I’m not sure if I have a favorite version of this song. It has been done so many times so well, that a lot of them are great. Everyone from Dean Martin to Vanessa Williams. I even have a great version with Ella Fitzgerald and Louie Armstrong. This song was also part of my favorite scene in the movie Elf. What I love about this song is that we have all been in that situation. You’re with someone and you KNOW you should leave, but by god you don’t want to. She is trying to convince herself to leave, worried about her parents and the neighbors but just can’t come up with a good enough reason to brave the cold. I just get a great mental picture of the scene when I listen to this song. Of course, it really has nothing at all to do with Christmas, but then again, a lot of so called ‘Christmas Songs’ don’t.

I could probably go on and on, but I’m going to wrap this up. I only have one Frank Sinatra song on this list, but I love his Christmas stuff (“Silver Bells“, “A Christmas Waltz“, “Mistletoe and Holly“). Quick list of stuff I left off… “Let it Snow” by Boyz II Men, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms or Randy Travis, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee, “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve” by Diana Krall, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters.

Bottom line, I love Christmas music. Leave me a comment of your favorite songs. Especially if they’re something I might not have heard before. I would love to expand my collection!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

When is 13 cents actually worth 17.34 cents?

CoinsWell, right now as a matter of fact.

Apparently, metal prices have soared in recent months. This has caused the raw metals in those coins in your pocket more valuable than the face value of the coins themselves.

The metal value of a penny is now at 1.12 cents, while a nickel is valued at a whopping 6.99 cents. An amazing turn of events, I think.

Before you entrepreneurs out there start getting any ideas out there, you should probably be made aware of this. The government has already stepped in to outlaw the melting down of currency for the express purpose of selling the raw materials. We’re not talking about a slap on the wrist either. Five years in the hole and $10,000 fine.

Of course, I’m wondering how they would know? I’m no metallurgist or anything, but once something is melted, doesn’t it lose all resemblance to what it was before? I don’t have a metal smelter in my apartment to test this theory out, but I would think if you melted a penny and say, shaped it into a small duck shape or something, could you tell it was once a penny? Say, you have a few solid bars of copper and zinc. You take them to you local neighborhood raw metal dealer (?) to sell them, are they going to say, “I think these used to be COINS! Call the feds!”?

I guess this is a case of laws only stop the honest criminals…

Best Dad

It’s official. I’ve got the best dad in the world.

In order to procure his son (and son’s friend) tickets to the much anticipated Fiesta bowl, said father waited in line for over four hours at the athletic ticket office. Not exactly the excitement capital of the world.

If you think the son is not eternally indebted to him, you’d be crazy.

Also, a big thanks also goes out to Bob, who waited in line with dad in order to get the much needed third ticket to the game.

True American Heroes, right there.

“If I did it, here’s how” Wait… what?!

Fox finally came to their senses before I had a chance to write about this, but I’m still going to.

I’m sure you all heard about OJ Simpson’s book and TV Special (two parts, no less) where the premise was, “I didn’t kill my wife, but, if I had, here is how I did it”. My reaction to this? Stunned silence. I couldn’t even form a rational thought. On what planet would this come across as a good idea? Seriously. How, in good conscience, could Fox both publish a book and show a two part TV special about this so-called hypothetical situation? Did they somehow forget that 2 people were brutally murdered? I was flabbergasted.

Thankfully, the sheer volume of bad press Fox had received for this ill-conceived idea convinced them that, “uh… maybe giving millions of dollars and two hours of prime time air to a murderer isn’t such a good business plan after all.” Yes, I said it. There is simply no question anymore that OJ is guilty. Looking back, you have to marvel at just how he got off.

Such a thing would not happen today. With the glut of CSI’s and Law and Order’s that are multiplying across our TV screens, is there anyone who doesn’t understand DNA evidence anymore? Of course not. However, 11 years ago, the prosecution had to spend weeks explaining it all with all the pizazz of a high school biology lecture. I mean, they found OJ’s DNA at the scene of the crime, and found the victims DNA at his house, in his car, on his clothes, etc. Try this case on our current prime time shows and it’s as ‘slam dunk’ as you can get. They have OJ convicted before the first commercial break. But back then, after the trial was over, one juror was quoted as saying he didn’t understand the DNA stuff at all, and didn’t consider it in his deliberations. Wow…

Even better was the defense his lawyers concocted. They didn’t even bother to try to defend OJ (what does that tell you?), instead their case was this. On one hand they were saying that the LA Police, within minutes of finding two people brutally murdered, they decided who was guilty and set in motion an elaborate frame up of an african-american man involving hundreds of officers and dozens of pieces of evidence, all of which had to be coordinated executed flawlessly. All without even knowing if he was even in the country at the time. Yet, at the VERY SAME TIME they were arguing that the LA Police were so incompetent that all of the evidence they collected was contaminated and every procedure of evidence handling was violated. Well, which is it? Thus, the Chewbacca Defense was born.

Anyway, this all brings us back to this whole “If I Did It” thing. I wonder who’s idea this was, exactly. The remarkable thing is that this whole thing would not even be subject to the Son of Sam laws preventing people from profiting from their crimes. Apparently, speaking in hypotheticals is a loophole no one thought of before. I wonder if Berkowitz were to write a new book titled, “I swear I didn’t shoot all those people or hear the neighbors dog telling me to do it, but if I had, it might have gone something like this” could he then get paid for that?

Of course, this is all a moot point now since those people that were involved are now running for cover. Thank god. I simply cannot believe that there was someone, anyone, involved in this project who thought that this was a good idea. I’m all for making money, but this was a sick and disgusting way to do it.

I will not, however, give Fox any credit at all for canceling this abortion. They approved it in the first place and are now just trying to save some face. You are already guilty for having greenlit this in the first place. Canceling it now does not make you good people.

Hope you can sleep at night.

I’m guessing there is a special layer of hell reserved for the Juice.