Is ‘hope’ a 4 letter word?

Well, I had just the very slightest glimmer of what possibly could be somewhere on its way to hope the other day. Lemme explain. George and I went to get some grub and see a flick. Had some beers with dinner and a good time. We then saw ‘Lucky Number Slevin’. I’m not here to review the movie (even though I kinda liked it, as unbelievable as it was). But something happened in the movie that sorta tweaked me. See, in the movie, Josh Hartnet’s character meets and starts a relationship with Lucy Liu. Watching them interact, and their mannerisms, I had a slight twinge (very slight, but noticeable) of that excitement that is there when you meet someone new and hit it off. Mind you, I have nowhere enough energy to actually go about this sort of thing now. Who knows when that might happen. But, just seeing them sorta got the broken wheel to move a little bit. Ok, not the greatest analogy but give me a break. You know what I’m talking about. However, thinking about starting all over again with the ‘getting to know you’ stage is way to daunting as of yet. Probably will be for a while.

On a different topic, I wish I had pictures of something to post on my blog. Everyone else does. I guess I could take a picture of my apartment or something… not that anyone would care to see it. I guess I’ll have to work on finding something to post in the future.

Last Sunday

So, my friend George has been inviting me over for a bar-b-que for a couple weeks. I just hadn’t had a chance to take him up on it. Sunday rolls around, and I was finally available so I told him we were a go. What I didn’t expect is that we would be spending the afternoon at his wife’s parents house. I was a little out of my comfort zone. There were a bunch of people there that I had met at his wedding (2 years ago) but don’t know at all. Everyone was super nice to me. Her folks were very accomodating and just good people. However, sitting at the table with 8 other people, me being the odd man out, I did feel a little out of place. George and everyone else couldn’t have been better, though.

It’s times like that where I really feel being single. I’m sure it was just in my mind, but I felt like the 3rd wheel, in need of pity. Not overt, and no one did anything at all to perpetuate that feeling, but I still did.

Things are just real tough sometimes.

I did call the insurance man to get my insurance squared away today. Split our cars, get me off the homeowners, and get some renters insurance. Just one more step to total seperation.

Step in the right direction

Finally spoken with my best friend tonight. We had fallen out of touch when he moved for business to Cordele Georgia (2500 miles away). Like most men, we simply got too busy and stopped calling. We’re both at fault. Then, when my life went to hell, I didn’t know how to call him. I think I was feeling guilty that I didn’t call him when things were good, so calling him when things were bad was unfair.

But, he is one of the truly good guys in this world. I was there for him when he had some real problems about 10 years ago, and the entire time we were on the phone, he said things that very few people get to hear. He is the kind of guy who would be on a flight 6am tomorrow morning if I asked him to. And he offered multiple times. We spoke for about 2 hours and just talking to him again makes me feel a little better.

Even though he hasn’t lived here since I got married, he still had some insights as to what might have happened, that were spot on. The same things my counselor has said. I value his words and his friendship probably more than I could ever express to him.

Here we go

I don’t know if at this point blogs are becoming so passe that they aren’t even worth having. Undaunted, I’m plowing ahead anyway. I always find writing helps me, and I’ve always enjoyed it. So, here we are. Those of you who know me personally, know the recent ‘change’ I’ve had. I know that will be a common theme on here for a while. Venting helps. I bet the posts will come fast and furious in the beginning as I core-dump here. I will hopefully settle into a manageable rhythm before too awful long.

I don’t know how personal this is going to get. I may keep it surface, I may go deeper. I just don’t know. If experienced bloggers want to give me any pointers, I’ll take them.

So, I’ll be speaking with you more in the days and weeks to come. I hope I don’t come off as whining… I hurt pretty good right now. Bear with me. I’m learning and growing. (as corny as that sounds)