I Hate Summer

It’s official… I’ve lost it. Today is supposed to be 105° again. I can’t take it anymore. This will make I don’t know how many days so far this year in triple digits. The forecast for the Boise area the next few days is 105° today, followed by 103°, 101°, 102°, and 102°. Yay global warming!

I don’t do well in the heat. I have no energy. I don’t sleep for shit. I tend to get a touch cranky when we have day after day after day that feels like living in a blast furnace. Don’t you love getting out of the car and having your underwear damp? I know I do.

As many of you know, and the rest can tell from the various pictures of me, I’m what’s known as a fair skinned person. Ok, that might be an understatement. I’m white. Bright white, in fact. My ancestors came from them northern European climes where the sun doesn’t shine much and its cold a lot. Basically what this means for me is that I will sunburn in about 7 minutes of unprotected sun exposure. Of course, that doesn’t have to be summer exposure, as I have gotten wicked burns in the winter as well.

But, at least in the winter we usually have clouds and its not a thousand degrees outside. No such luck these days. They are bright and sunny, but don’t forget the lovely smoke from all the wildfires around… that’s always fun.

Top that all off with the absolute worst sporting month in the calendar and it all adds up to the fact that I just hate summer. The only good thing about summer is that it leads to fall, which is the greatest season ever invented. As much as I loathe summer is mirrored by how much I absolutely love the fall. But until then, its just me versus the sun.

The sun is my sworn mortal enemy. We are locked in a battle to the death and he will win. My only chance is to not give him the opportunity to bludgeon me regularly. So, I’m stuck indoors, valiantly trying to avoid the carcinoma that may strike me down.

And with only baseball games and SportsCenter trying to figure out who is more NOW (unquestionably the dumbest thing EVER), I’m slowly going mad. Check that… not so slowly. I am mad.

Someone… anyone… I’m begging you… do a rain dance. Sacrifice a goat. Do whatever it takes to get it cool outside. You will have my eternal gratitude.

7 Replies to “I Hate Summer”

  1. Toilet, hell. I was thinking pulleys, a family size tub of Crisco, a Bull Mastiff and a Gimp Suit. Thanks for clearing that up. This could have been embarrassing…

    1st off, you aint the only one with an attitude when the heat comes around.

    2nd, its only 1/2 way thru July. We still got 6 to 8 weeks of this beautiful Heat Season.

    And 3rdly. Damn, boy. I am gunna hafta add your RSS to my Google homepage. I check in and you dont update, you dont update, day after day, so I take a break and WHAM! 3 new friggin’ posts in as many days.

    And for those who don’t know what RSS is… its real kinky and involves pulleys, a family size tub of Crisco, a Bull Mastiff and a Gimp Suit.

  2. You are right, there is not much that is fun about summer once you get older than about 16. I do have a cure for you though. If you want to feel better about the summers where you live than pack your butt up and come visit where I live. Jason, for your owne mental health wrap your mind around the fact that NOTHING Idaho can swing at you will take you out quite like our southern states can.

    I’m confused. With as many movies as you own and ice cold beer so readily available, why would you go outside???

  3. Sorry Jason, can’t help you out on this one. I’m a sun junkie-this is the best time for me. Love football, but live for baseball & the hotter the better! I’ll send cool vibes your way though while I’m out soaking up the rays..:)

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