Yeah, there is a lot going on, what with the NCAA basketball championship game tonight, Major League Baseball’s opening day today, The Masters starting on Thursday, and the NBA and NHL winding down their regular seasons with teams fighting for playoff spots.  Sure is a lot going on.  But “best”? Not a chance.

A week without football, be it college or pro, is simply discarded from the discussion out of hand.  By my definition, there are no sports going on this week.  Yeah, there are some distractions.  There are some TV events.  But you know what?  I’m watching about 1 SportsCenter a week now.  Obviously, if I’m not watching SportsCenter, there ain’t no sports.

I know a lot of you out there are fans of baseball, basketball or hockey.  I get that.  I get that you have favorite teams and love the sport and get all wrapped up in it.  Here is what they mean to me.  Basketball = something on TV in the winter that I don’t watch… fill out a bracket in March.  Baseball = ahh, summer time.  Great to “watch” while napping on Sunday afternoons… hey doesn’t football start soon?  Hockey = Hmmmm, didn’t that used to be on TV? Golf?  Come on.  I’m interested if Tiger’s playing, but I’m certainly not interested in the goings on of Tiger otherwise. (As an aside, can we please stop having press conferences about his dalliances? It’s all been said at this point. I LONG ago lost interest.)

Which leads me to football.  I am the same guy who damn near overdosed on football a few years ago.  For my money, the greatest week in sports is that last weekend in August / first week in September.  College football kicks-off their first weekend, and ESPN in all their glory have games Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and maybe Tue and Wed too. Boise State starts their season in there somewhere.  Thursday night is usually the kickoff of the NFL season, followed by more college football week 2 on Friday and Saturday.  The rest of the NFL gets it going on Sunday and caps it off with Monday Night.  Plus, baseball actually starts to matter as the regular season is winding down and there is nary a basketball game in sight clogging up my sports channels.  You want my definition of heaven?  That’s it.  And I get to experience it every single year.

Second place in the best week in sports list would probably be rivalry week in college football, 3rd week in November.  That’s always good.

I used to consider myself an all around sports fan.  But as I’ve grown up, it has become abundantly clear that I’m a football fan and lightly pay attention to other sports.  Just the way I roll.  If my love of football was on a 0-100 scale, I’d put it at about a 98. Baseball would be next, with about a 65 (will go higher if it’s going to a game in person, or watching late season/playoff games).  Hockey used to be about a 90, but after the lockout and TV fiascoes over the past years it is now probably about a 30 (which kinda makes me sad).  College basketball would be about a 25 (will bump to 40 if Boise State is any good).  The NBA?  Um… probably like about a 15.  It’s a dark day if I EVER sit down and watch an NBA game on purpose.

That being said, it is It is 150 days, 6 hours, 34 minutes and 58 seconds until college football kicks off on ESPN with Southern Miss at South Carolina on September 2nd.  More importantly, it is 154 days, 7 hours, 3 minutes and 26 seconds until Monday, September 6, and Boise State vs. Virginia Tech.  Oh man, I cannot wait!

Bring on football.

You have undoubtedly seen those commercials for that fancy new 5 bladed “Fusion” razor and how superior it is over the Mach3.  (View One Here)  More blades!  Closer together!  Less irritation!  Shave in 1/8th the time!  Get more sex!  You can’t miss them… I think there is one played every single commercial break.  If you were to judge by the shear volume of those commercials, you would assume that 5 blades are right next to the wheel and the electric light bulb in terms of importance to mankind, and in contrast, if you’re shaving with only 3 blades, you are an uneducated troglodyte who would be better off basically ripping the hair out of your face by the root.

The only problem?  THEY ARE BOTH MADE BY GILLETTE!

It has taken me this long to put the pieces together and I own a Mach3.  Essentially, they are spending millions of dollars, advertising against themselves!  Anyone else find that supremely stupid?  Anyone?  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

Tiger Woods… I love ya buddy, but if I have to see another lame ass commercial of you, Federer the crier and that head-butting soccer schmuck I’m going to lose it.

I think my only recourse is to boycott all Gillette razors.  Gillette, you have angered me.  In result, you have lost me as a customer.

Whew… I feel better.

Don LaFontaine has died.

Its possible that name doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, but I 1000% guarantee you will recognize his voice.  He has been the voice of over 5,000 movie trailers and over 350,000 television commercials and network promos.  It wasn’t a real trailer or promo unless you heard his voice.

He was the one who introduced us to the line, “In a world…”.

Really, it kinda feels like an old uncle has died.  You know, the one you never saw very often but got to talk to on the phone regularly?  Don’s voice has been so ubiquitous that you couldn’t escape it if you tried.

I think I’m legitimately a bit sad about this.  Seriously.  I’ve always loved this guy’s voice.

Rest in Peace, Don.  I’ll miss you.

Anyway, every show they ask 10 questions of the guest. Every time I see it, I get thinking about my answers to the questions and figured, that would make a great blog post. One caveat, I will undoubtedly go longer on each answer than they do on the show. I got unlimited space here, and some of the questions will have multiple answers.

Also, I would like to invite all of you out there to answer the same questions. You can either do it here in the comments section, or if you have your own blog, answer them there, then link to your answers in my comments section. Could be interesting.

Without further ado…

1.) What is your favorite word?

This one is difficult. I’ve not much thought about my favorite word. Also, does “favorite” imply you like the actual word itself (how it sounds, etc) or that you like what the word represents? Who knows. Some are: Idea, Autumn, Absolutely, Technology, Sweet. Or, other words I just think are interesting sounding Kinesiology or Gastroenterology. I guess I like “ology’s”. I think this is my least favorite question.

2.) What is your least favorite word?

This one I have a strange answer for this one. “Adjacent” Here’s why. Back in school, from time to time I would zone out to what was being said by the teacher/professor, either through sleepiness or just sheer boredom. Well, when you aren’t paying attention and someone says the word “adjacent” it sounds an AWFUL lot like “Jason”. To which I would instantly pop to attention and wonder if I had been called on or not. I pretty much shun the spotlight anyway, so to be called on in class is one of my least favorite things, followed only by being called on in class while not paying attention. The rush of adrenalin would shoot through me and my eyes would bulge out of my head as I would be on hyper-alert to try to figure if my name had in fact been called or not. 99% of the time, it hadn’t, but it didn’t stop the effect. Ugh.

3.) What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Spending time with Jess, deep in conversation or just sharing comfortable silence. Entertaining close friends or family. Cooking. Creative writing on my blog. My very amateur photography. Reading a terrific novel. A chance to create something creative-technical on the PC (invitations, christmas cards, etc). Trivia. Solving a technical problem at work.

4.) What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Having to engage in small talk. Being in crowds of people I don’t know (forced social situations), or being stuck in large crowds that aren’t moving and I can’t move freely. Public speaking. Being the center of attention. Having too many events on the calendar. Gee, why did my first marriage fail again?

5.) What sound or noise do you love?

The stadium announcers at college football games and marching bands. Accented English (Boston, New York, Georgia, Wisconsin, Texas, London, Dublin, Edinburgh, Sydney). A lawn mower in the distance on a summer day. Wind in the trees. A river. Killdeer calling in the morning (it just sounds like morning to me). A Ferrari engine. Frank Sinatra’s voice. The silence of falling snow. Food sizzling on the grill. The “new email” sound. Car tires on a gravel road. Bagpipes. A golf ball falling into the cup.

6.) What sound or noise do you hate?

Dogs barking in the middle of the night. Magpies and crows in the morning. Screaming children. An insanely loud motorcycle on the road when you’re trying to have a conversation. The slow beep of a smoke detector with a dying battery. People laughing too loud or in inappropriate places (like the cackling broad at my old office… satisfied both conditions). My morning alarm sound being used in commercials. Anything that is repeated too often (commercials, songs, etc.)

7.) What is your favorite curse word?

Woo… boy. This one is tough. I like to curse. Sorry, but I do. I like the word “fuck” but it is usually too powerful to use in all companies. “Shit” however, can be used almost all the time (even on basic cable) and is fun when stretched to a southern-drawl like “sheeeeee-it”. I also like to ‘almost curse’ too. I seem to use these a lot in my everyday life. Words like “douchebag” especially, “dickhole” or “assface”. It’s fun to mix and match. Pretty much anything you can fit in the following sentence “What is this ______ doing!?”

8.) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

If I was a different person, I would want to be an entrepreneur. Start up businesses. Grow them. Sell ‘em. Start something new. I have a lot of ideas for products or services or businesses that could work. But, I just don’t have the personal gravitas to make them happen. I’m not the kind of person who can sell. I can be daunted by the unknown when I am in unfamiliar territory. What I need is a proxy with vision who I can lease all my ideas to for a cut of the profits…

9.) What profession would you not like to do?

One of my least desirable would have to be something like landscaping. Spending all day in the sun, performing back-breaking manual labor? Uh, no thanks. Which is why I work with my brain instead. Also, any position which is about confrontation like say a police officer or trial attorney. Not for me.

10.) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“You weren’t perfect, but you are a legitimately good person who never deliberately treated anyone wrong. Now to your right you will see the statistics room. Have fun.”

See, I’ve had this one desire ever since I saw this particular Saturday Night Live skit back in the 80s about a guy who dies and goes to heaven. Up in heaven he is talking to an angel, and was able to ask questions about his life. What career he was best suited too or who secretly had crushes on him.

Deceased: Well. Let’s see.. what’s the grossest thing I ever ate?
Angel: You don’t want to know.
Deceased: Oh. Okay. What about the 200th grossest thing?
Angel: Okay.. that would be some butterscotch pudding that had a dead earwig in it.
Deceased: [ grimaces ] Oh, gross! You mean I never tasted it!
Angel: Well, you made this very funny face.. but you were watching a football game on TV at the time..

I have an interest in statistics. I think it would be awesome if you could get stats for every conceivable question about your life. How may miles did I walk in my life? What song did I hear the most times? How many pieces of pizza did I consume? Or those questions that the answers seem to change, what was my favorite movie? Favorite place? etc. Also, you could get answers to the questions that we don’t know… Who really shot JFK? What is Stonehenge really for? Or, almost better would be to get answers to hypotheticals, like how would history have been different if X happened instead of Y. What if D-Day had failed? What if Columbus was lost at sea before “discovering” the new world? What about if history’s biggest mistakes didn’t happen or incompetent leaders never gained power? Tell me about people who would have changed the world but they died as children or in war. So on and so forth. It would be like the History channel times about a billion. I honestly think I could spend the first 100 years of my eternity in paradise in there.

Anyway, those are my answers. I look forward to seeing yours!

Now, you can get your very own Festivus pole!

http://www.festivuspoles.com/pages/Festivuspoles.htm

It’s now time for the Feats of Strength…

Without further ado, here are my man crushes.

Frank Sinatra

Although Frank may not technically qualify for this list, I have to include him based on the fact that he is probably the original Man Crush. I had a HUGE Sinatra phase starting about 10 years ago and running for about 5 solid years. I listened to nothing but Frank. Watched his movies. Read books about him. It was a sad day when he died in ‘98 and I watched the coverage and tributes to him on cable news all night long.

What makes qualify for this list is that, more than just a performer, how could you not want to spend time with him and the Rat Pack? I would give my right arm to be in Vegas in the early 60’s and be part of that scene. And Frank set the tone. Wild parties, booze, broads, and ring-a-ding-ding all while nattily attired in a jacket, tie and a porkpie hat.

As a side note, I would like to recognize that Joey Bishop, the last remaining member of the original Rat Pack died this week. Now, they all can get back to doing two full shows a night in the big ballroom upstairs.

Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith is a writer, director, actor who has written some of the best dialog and made some of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. He started with the self-financed “Clerks” way back in 1994, and has been working ever since. His films include “Chasing Amy“, “Dogma“, “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” and “Clerks II“.

But, what makes him a member of this list is what he does beyond his movies. I like a lot of directors, but I feel like I know Kevin Smith personally. He has a blog where he writes about his life and his thoughts as well as a online messageboard which he frequents. He has been famous for doing campus lectures all over the country, and although I’ve never seen one live, he has released 2 feature length versions of his talks. On top of that, he does a weekly podcast (or SModcasts as he calls them) that Jess and I listen to while we go on road trips.

Basically, he is so honest and blunt about life, love, sex, and everything else that he really connects with his audience. Through it all, he is vulgar and hilarious. (The SModcast discussion about toilet paper had me laughing uncontrollably). Like I said, he really gives his fans the feeling that they know him and that he would be your friend in a different world. We’ve heard his childhood stories. We’ve heard his dating mishaps. We’ve heard what he’s planning next. Very few people in Hollywood give such candid access to their lives than Kevin Smith does.

Mike Rowe

Mike Rowe is the host of “Dirty Jobs” on the Discovery Channel. In addition to that, he is the narrator of “Deadliest Catch” and is an all around TV spokesman (most recently for Ford). He originally started out as an opera singer (believe it or not, and still sings) and has some time spent on QVC.

If you have never seen the show, Dirty Jobs is one of the very best on TV. The basic premise is that the world is full of jobs dealing with dirt and slime and filth that us desk jockeys never get to see. So, Mike heads out to film these real people doing their jobs. What takes this show from a simple idea to a full fledged phenomenon is Mike. He gets down in the muck and does his best with the real hard working folks. He has done some of the most disgusting things I have ever seen, which is all the more amazing that there are people doing these things on a daily basis without the TV cameras anywhere near.

The best thing about Mike Rowe is that instead of being a typical condescending TV host, he treats everyone he meets on the show with the utmost respect. He puts himself above no one. He manages to do some of the most disgusting stuff ever, and all the while he is making good natured jokes. Lots of self-deprecating humor. He really has the “feel” of a regular guy. He works hard. He swears (bleeped out, of course). He drinks beer. I get the distinct impression that if you sat in a bar with him, you would get some AMAZING stories that would have you on the floor laughing. Read an interview transcript with Larry King.

It almost makes me wish I had a dirty job and could have him come spend the day with me. I said almost.

Alton Brown

Alton Brown, or AB as he is often called, is mainly the host of “Good Eats” on the Food Network. But, he is really all over the channel with his hosting of “Iron Chef America” as well as his two specials “Feasting on Asphalt” and “Feasting on Asphalt – The River Run“. He also lends himself to all kinds of other Food Network shows like “The Next Iron Chef” or “The Next Food Network Star”.

Who is Alton Brown? Well, basically, he’s a geek. He’s a science nerd. Good Eats is not your typical cooking show. He doesn’t just show you how to make stuff. Anyone can do that. What AB does is get into the science and history behind why and how to make some amazing recipes. One can learn all sorts of things just by watching his show. Not just to not over-knead something, but WHY to not over-knead… That sort of thing. For a kid who grew up watching Mr. Wizard every day on Nickelodeon, Good Eats is the logical extension.

Alton Brown, while being extremely knowledgeable is not afraid to make stupid jokes and dress up in goofy costumes to have a good time. He simply doesn’t take himself too seriously, and there aren’t enough people like that around these days.

I fully credit AB with fostering my desire to cook. He makes me want to try things just to see if I can do it. Plus, being a trivia nerd, his show is a gold mine for me. I love learning about why we eat what we do and how history has affected what we consume. Fascinating stuff.

Bill Simmons aka. The Sports Guy

Undoubtedly the least famous person on this list is Bill Simmons, also known as “The Sports Guy”. He has been writing columns for ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine for the past 6 years. He started out writing as The Boston Sports Guy and covering all Boston sports until he got snatched up by the World Wide Leader and expanded his audience 100 fold.

Bill is the kinda guy that every sports fan wants to be buddies with. He has an encyclopedic knowledge about sports, is passionate enough to get into big long discussions about sports, yet can branch out to all areas of popular culture. His articles throw so many random sports, movie and TV references in them you really gotta be on your toes. The funny thing is, that is exactly how my friends and I are. There are millions like us out there who not only love sports, but quote movies like its going out of style or like to bitch about reality TV.

He is a genuinely funny guy. And a great writer. So funny, in fact, when Jimmy Kimmel started his late-night talk show, he tabbed Bill to be a writer for him. He has since gone back to writing his columns full time but he remains close to Jimmy, and always has some great behind the scenes stories to pepper into is stuff. He is, at base, an excellent writer. (A favorite piece)

He writes about sports, he drinks, he gambles, he is sarcastic and quick. The stories of him and his buddies in Vegas are legendary. He also interacts with his audience via his Mailbag columns. He has some very funny and/or disturbed fans that come up with bizarre theories, or hilarious one liners. Sometimes, reading his writing can be the highlight of my day. He has even recently started podcasting as well. Great stuff.

I have talked about growing up in isolated Idaho, and how other than Boise State, I don’t really have favorite teams. Well, due to reading Bill’s stuff, I do tend to follow the Boston teams just because I’m interested in what he will write about next.

Granted, he is a big NBA fan, which I could care less about. But it goes to his writing style that even though I don’t like the NBA, I still read all of his columns. Every one. Do I wish he wouldn’t spend so much time on the NBA? Sure. Will it stop me from reading? Not a chance.

You can find his complete archives here. Do your self a favor… read some.

Supposedly, he is working a new book (the first one “Now I Can Die In Peace” was a collection of his columns about the Red Sox winning the World Series in ‘04). I can’t wait.

So, there is the list. I’ve tried to lay out the reasons and provided examples. I don’t expect all of you to love what I love. This is one man’s opinion.

If you have a man crush (or a “woman crush” I suppose), tell me who and why.

I’m getting desperate.  I have already decided that since there is no real way I can wedge that thing into the house, that it will be going into storage until such time as I can offload it.

Here’s the new offer, if anyone might be interested.

If someone wants to take it now (ideally, someone I know) and make payments on that bad boy, say $100 a month, I would totally be open to that.  I understand that not everyone can scratch together $500 at the drop of a hat.

I figure, if I ain’t using it, there’s no sense in not letting someone else enjoy it while making payments on it.

If this fits any of you, let me know.

Again, here is the full craigslist description.

I’m attempting to sell my 36″ Sony Wega KV-36XBR400 CRT TV before, or while I’m moving. I am also selling with it the matching TV stand as well as a matching A/V cabinet.

This TV has unbelievable picture quality. HD is just awesome. The reason I’m selling it is that despite its quality, it is a rather large set. And heavy. I would rather not try to fit it into Jess’ place if I could just sell it instead. Plus, since I live on the 3rd floor, the movers are coming on Saturday, and they could assist anyone wanting to pick it up.

When I bought this TV in 2001, it retailed for well over $3000. You can bet, that when I bought this thing, it was absolutely top of the line. I really did my research when I bought. (some reviews here)

I will sell the whole package now for $500 or best offer. I have it listed on Craigslist, if you want to see pictures and read more about it: http://boise.craigslist.org/ele/424671819.html

Hell, if you help me sell this TV, I’ll throw $50 your way as a finders fee.

Ask people you know. Ask people you work with. Someone out there wants this SCREAMING deal for an amazing TV.

Email or call me if you have questions.

Thanks everyone.

I LOVED Mr. Wizard. When he came on Nickelodeon in the 80’s, I was hooked. Watched every day. To my young fertile mind, he really was a wizard. To this day, I can remember being truly amazed by what I saw him do with simple household items. He turned me on to science. Maybe that was why I scored in the 98th percentile in science on the Iowa test of basic skills. (and in the 67th for math).

I can vividly remember him teaching us about all kinds of things. Including sight: look through a paper towel tube with one eye, keep your other eye open and hold your other hand up next to the tube… it looks like there’s a hole in your hand!

Or, how to make a volcano (which I did once) with vinegar and baking soda.

Or, how centrifugal force will keep water in the bucket, even over your head, if you spin it fast enough.

Or, how to make a secret message by writing on a a spiral of paper wrapped around a certain sized tube, and in order to read it, you had to have the same sized tube.

Or, how straws actually work not by sucking the liquid out of the glass, but instead by air pressure. And he set up an experiment to see how high they could suck liquid up a straw like tube (using a vacuum pump)

I could go on and on. His show had different ‘topics’ and I loved them all, supermarket science, challenge, how it works, safari. I really think this is why I watch so much History, Discovery, National Geographic, Science Channel shows now. I love them all… all thanks to Mr. Wizard.

So, I just wanted to say Goodbye and Thank You to Don Herbert. You were a serious influence in my young life that echoes even today. Of course, did I find it a little strange, even as a kid, that you always had a gaggle of young kids in your house? Perhaps… If you were anyone else, we might be thinking a Michael Jackson thing. But, at least you never gave any of them wine and porn.

Apparently, his show is available on DVD. I’ll tell you this… if I ever have a kid, he or she WILL be watching Mr. Wizard.

We were invited to a friends house to have a little Italian grub and watch the big show. I whipped up the now semi-famous ziti to take over there (it was a hit). I was a bit nervous to watch the show in a crowd, since usually when those sorts of things happen there are some in attendance who would rather talk through the whole show, and you become the asshole for trying to hear the show. Luckily, everyone just watched and was quiet, so that was great.

On to the show.

If you’re not a Sopranos fan, this probably won’t make a lot of sense. But I thought that show was exactly how it should have been. I have seen all 86 episodes and the show ended in a perfect way. The net was alive with all sorts of theories last week. Everything from Tony being killed, to his family being killed, or some loose end from a previous season (Adriana or the Russian guy from “Pine Barrens”) would factor into the finale. To all these people expecting a blood bath I have one thing to say… Have you not watched this series before!? You honestly thought that the finale would devolve into a action movie shoot-out?

There was no way David Chase was going to pull that. Somehow, I knew there wouldn’t be a neat and tidy bow on the end of all this. His vision was real life. In life, things aren’t tied into neat little packages. There are doubts and ambiguity and dozens of story lines that go nowhere. Thats what this entire series was. And it was all the better for it. Look, as much as I love Law & Order with its discretely packaged 1 hour shows, the Sopranos was something different. You had to watch and enjoy. It left things open for discussion. We didn’t see all of the action. Lots of events happen off screen and are left to our imaginations. And that is exactly how the finale was handled.

To those who don’t know, the final scene was Tony meeting his family for dinner in a small north Jersey cafe. Each of them arriving separately. Tony picks out “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey from the jukebox and it is playing over the whole sequence. Intercut with the shots of his family arriving and their discussions was shots of various suspicious looking people in the cafe. There was serious tension building. On any other show, this scene would be very ordinary, but on the Sopranos, it is just the type of scene that would precede something horrible. Is that guy in the Members Only jacket going to shoot Tony? Is Meadow going to walk into the cafe just as it explodes? You don’t know, yet all these visual clues are leading you down that path.

Finally, the screen just jump cuts to black, right at “… don’t stop…” plays on the music. Of course, everyone sat there stunned, mostly wondering if something happened to the satellite signal or something. 10 seconds later, the credits started rolling and everyone exhaled.

It was one of the most remarkable scenes in my TV history. I have never seen something with so much tension and so much build up that didn’t go anywhere. It was all manufactured in your own head. You were conditioned by the show to expect something. But, on its surface, it was just a scene of a family meeting for dinner. Amazing. Curtis had the best, immediate interpretation by saying that scene was a representation of what their lives have been and will be forever… always looking over their shoulders, never being comfortable. I fully agree.  Also, when Tony picked out the song, you see a close up of the 2 Journey songs, “Don’t Stop Believing” and “Anyway You Want It”.  That is exactly how the show ended.  You are free to interpret any way you like.

Now the show dealt with other things too. Phil the rival NY boss did get whacked. That scene was terrific also. He is in the passenger seat with his wife and twin grand-babies at a gas station. He makes a big thing of saying “Wave good-bye to Grandpa” before he gets out. Then, out of nowhere appears a pistol and he is shot. Just like that. Of course, being the Sopranos, there is a little extra in that his wife jumps out of the SUV and it starts to roll… directly over his head. We don’t see it, but we do hear it. Wow… Little side note on this hit, the actor who carried out the hit, Frank John Hughes, who just recently appeared as one of Tony’s crew was also my favorite character from the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers, Bill Guarnere.

I really could go on and on about this episode, and maybe I will in the future. So far, I have only seen it the one time. I want to go back and watch it again at least once. I was conscious of some things just off the top of my head… the last time we see Satriales. The final visit of Tony to Uncle Jun when Tony realizes there is nothing of the old man left in that dementia wracked head. Seeing Silvio in the coma, but he still has that trademarked scowl on his face. The little things.

It does feel a bit sad. A little like losing a friend. Do I wish it would keep going? Absolutely. But, since when did this show ever give you what you thought you wanted anyway?